I know this is a personal question, but do you consider to have experienced a lot of pain either psychological/physical in your life, or have you gone through any sort of traumatic experience?
In fact, I'd say that most of the people there have experienced tremendous amounts of pain. There is something that draws you to philosophical pessimism and that is because it is a sort of comfort that tells you that life is just not okay, discarding any form of toxic optimism and cheap self-help beliefs such as 'everything happens for a reason' and the like.