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<blockquote data-quote="Postman" data-source="post: 2814" data-attributes="member: 30">I know it&#039;ll pass but it&#039;s making me see the importance of independence Something like injecting T is more about the autonomous decision to do it, rather than the enzyme itself. Experiencing the same T boosts in captivity(school, abusive homes) might be worseThe very fact that I&#039;m not in my own appartment now, that I&#039;m someone else&#039;s &quot;space&quot; brings back childhood fear, where I lived in constant neurosis over my fathers rage. Normal kid stuff would make him berate me until I cried. I used to hide in the cupboard in fear sometimesThen another day, he&#039;d decide to be nice, usually to look good to his friends. But it was all manipulation I was too young to understand. He would just bring up the day he let me be a normal kid for once, the next time he decided to berate me for misspelling my last nameThis is a big part of why I&#039;m so close to my mom. We both survived a psychopath together. This is why I ironically did something as humiliating as sex work, at least I had control in my humiliating myself for once. This is why I hate &quot;family life&quot; and never want a family of my own. It&#039;s more space where I&#039;ll lose control. I never want to feel that powerless again</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Postman, post: 2814, member: 30"] I know it'll pass but it's making me see the importance of independence Something like injecting T is more about the autonomous decision to do it, rather than the enzyme itself. Experiencing the same T boosts in captivity(school, abusive homes) might be worse The very fact that I'm not in my own appartment now, that I'm someone else's "space" brings back childhood fear, where I lived in constant neurosis over my fathers rage. Normal kid stuff would make him berate me until I cried. I used to hide in the cupboard in fear sometimes Then another day, he'd decide to be nice, usually to look good to his friends. But it was all manipulation I was too young to understand. He would just bring up the day he let me be a normal kid for once, the next time he decided to berate me for misspelling my last name This is a big part of why I'm so close to my mom. We both survived a psychopath together. This is why I ironically did something as humiliating as sex work, at least I had control in my humiliating myself for once. This is why I hate "family life" and never want a family of my own. It's more space where I'll lose control. I never want to feel that powerless again [/QUOTE]

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