It's over for me, I worship this man still. Being able to watch a video game and imagining myself playing flawlessly with no regrets is one of the last copes available to me. Imagining all the things I must have done to achieve that objective and totally not caring about the other party because I'm too busy fixating on the warlord and emphasizing with him. It seems I must have evolved to emphasize with these big winners, to worship the art of war and the men of great strength versus caring about the losers. I perhaps have a level of winner's blindness, in any game of warfare there must be winners and losers do I perhaps have a mega fixation and one sided focus on winners, the people that possess the secrets to success in war in collective orgies to the point any contradictory thoughts are pushed aside, I must think about the winner, I must fantasize about being them, I must care about noone but them. I must copy exactly what they do without any questions because of how excellent they are and how they brutally dispose of their foes it would be bad for me to have too much empathy.
Perhaps war heroes are the closest to a religious deity or cult leaders to men in particular the warriors who must learn from successful gladiators. Even in failure and hardship, they know how to even deal with that, because they are just so ahead in theory of everything that they can see the full picture, their iqs must be high. They must possess good mental health and the most rational responses to loss as a result. We are usually losers in a tribe as men, to see the very best men deal with the common plight is perhaps the only time we can ascend as they never stay down for long, they are winners for a reason, they have the intelligence, the strength, the leadership.
