I am a very awkward person

[wsada]

I have been getting better with exposure therapy but I'm still very awkward and I hate every second of it

Will I ever be just normal? And be able to speak and move naturally? I think my biggest falio is my body mannerisms it's unnatural and I believe because of it people tell right away I'm not normal

 

[Deleted member 52]

You change with age, I remember randomly being 10x more socially adept with strangers at 17-18 than I was before
Was not at all due to exposure because I just came out of a year and a half of complete social isolation

Even now, I've mostly been a recluse since I was 16 or so but I function quite well socially if I have to
Internally, every interaction feels fake and gay though. I don't think that will ever change

 

[wsada]

I see my thread has inspired you and @Archibald

Didn't see it tbh

 

[burn]

Ive given up on ntmaxxing tbh, at this point ill just try to hang out with weirder dudes and those alt ewhores, ive been failing with normies for 5 years straight kek

 

[LOOKISM-LOGIC]

Change happens spontaneously, you will wake up one day a different man.

Change never occurs through ones efforts in way they would expect.

 

[LOOKISM-LOGIC]

Ive given up on ntmaxxing tbh, at this point ill just try to hang out with weirder dudes and those alt ewhores, ive been failing with normies for 5 years straight kek

You probably reject normies yourself through abused dog body language and behaviours signalling a willingness to be left alone due to some reinforcement loop or whatever.

 

[burn]

You probably reject normies yourself through abused dog body language and behaviours signalling a willingness to be left alone due to some reinforcement loop or whatever.

Rn yes but few years ago i actually tried, it doesnt work, i was always hanging out with the normies never was able to get acceped into the top tier teens groups, but now im all alone ggs its over

 

[EzraIsShy76028]

I have been getting better with exposure therapy but I'm still very awkward and I hate every second of it

Will I ever be just normal? And be able to speak and move naturally? I think my biggest falio is my body mannerisms it's unnatural and I believe because of it people tell right away I'm not normal

TL;DR At the bottom.

Honestly...same. I'm currently 23 years old and my life has been a living hell ever since I first entered kindergarten at age 6; and a huge part of it was due to me being very awkward (though my parents say I was already awkward even before kindergarten, but I don't remember anything before kindergarten anyway. it also probably helps that I almost never really saw any other kids before kindergarten anyway). Literally since day 1 of kindergarten in like the first 20 minutes or so the other kids took note of how awkward I was and immediately began making fun of me, and my life was all downhill from there. And it was the same all throughout elementary school, middle school, high school, etc.

And even being out of school it's the same, and not just my peers either. People of all ages young and old look at me with disgust once they notice that something is wrong with me. And this awkwardness is not just in person, either. It even carries on to online communities. I thought that since the kids at school were so mean to me that people online would be more understanding, AND BOY HOW I WAS WRONG AS HELL. The kids at school would tell me how much they hated me, sure, but people online would write literal several spaced paragraphs full of swearing and shit about how much they hated me.

All this to say that yeah...I relate to you on that front. I don't really have any advice for you though as I've literally been through 11 therapists (currently on the 11th), been through 11 medications (currently on 5), and have been to the mental hospital 9 times total, and literally NONE of it has helped in ANY way.

TL;DR I know exactly how you feel, pretty much. I don't really have any advice but I'm 23 years old and have been awkard since I first entered kindergarten at age 6, and the other kids began bullying me literally on day 1, and my life has been all downhill from there. My awkwardness ruins both real life and online interactions, it's really that severe.

 

[burn]

TL;DR At the bottom.

Honestly...same. I'm currently 23 years old and my life has been a living hell ever since I first entered kindergarten at age 6; and a huge part of it was due to me being very awkward (though my parents say I was already awkward even before kindergarten, but I don't remember anything before kindergarten anyway. it also probably helps that I almost never really saw any other kids before kindergarten anyway). Literally since day 1 of kindergarten in like the first 20 minutes or so the other kids took note of how awkward I was and immediately began making fun of me, and my life was all downhill from there. And it was the same all throughout elementary school, middle school, high school, etc.

And even being out of school it's the same, and not just my peers either. People of all ages young and old look at me with disgust once they notice that something is wrong with me. And this awkwardness is not just in person, either. It even carries on to online communities. I thought that since the kids at school were so mean to me that people online would be more understanding, AND BOY HOW I WAS WRONG AS HELL. The kids at school would tell me how much they hated me, sure, but people online would write literal several spaced paragraphs full of swearing and shit about how much they hated me.

All this to say that yeah...I relate to you on that front. I don't really have any advice for you though as I've literally been through 11 therapists (currently on the 11th), been through 11 medications (currently on 5), and have been to the mental hospital 9 times total, and literally NONE of it has helped in ANY way.

TL;DR I know exactly how you feel, pretty much. I don't really have any advice but I'm 23 years old and have been awkard since I first entered kindergarten at age 6, and the other kids began bullying me literally on day 1, and my life has been all downhill from there. My awkwardness ruins both real life and online interactions, it's really that severe.

I was antisocial since the kindergarten days also, would beat up and bite the kids that would wanna play with me i would get my parents called daily, in elementary and middle school tho i became nt and a average normie, but in hs everything changed pretty much i became a mentally messed up non nt depressive guy, most thought i was a total weirdo loner, i was barely accepted, i wish i was still that violent kid tbh id be more respected

 

[EzraIsShy76028]

I was antisocial since the kindergarten days also, would beat up and bite the kids that would wanna play with me i would get my parents called daily, in elementary and middle school tho i became nt and a average normie, but in hs everything changed pretty much i became a mentally messed up non nt depressive guy, most thought i was a total weirdo loner, i was barely accepted, i wish i was still that violent kid tbh id be more respected

I feel ya bro, honestly. Your journey doesn't sound that far off from my own. Except for me it was like being a pushover from ages 0-17 (6-17 if you only count what I can consciously remember) to suddenly being violent at age 18. Though now I like to think I've found a balance.

Being violent can be satisfying indeed, though in the long run it'll only cause problems as even laying a finger on someone without their consent can result in legal action, much more so if you punch or kick the person or beat the shit out of them. A hefty fine and some jail time, possibly life in prison without parole if you keep repeatedly getting into fights. Heck the only reason I didn't get in any "real" trouble was "basis of insanity" due to all my mental illnesses, so I was sent to the mental hospital instead.