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<blockquote data-quote="Truckzo" data-source="post: 87743" data-attributes="member: 523">TLDR WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!!This is kinda what makes me think im insane, I dunno that if I do something its truly genuine or a narrative i&#039;ve made in my head about myself. I remember as a young lad I just used to do nonsense, I&#039;d kick over the other kids blocks, I&#039;d do things to them, I&#039;d annoy them, and this continued all the way to highschool, I wasn&#039;t even trying to nessecarily jestermax? and I loved saying and doing peculiar things. I remember one time we were in weight training and just out the blue said &quot;Yeah I&#039;m gonna get stronger so I can force myself on women!&quot; and the kids were like &quot;What the fuck dude go away&quot; and idgaf. And then I discovered ER and latched onto him and these peculiar forums, and viewing my whole state of being as something to &quot;overcome&quot; through looksfagging and I started trying to become more &quot;normal&quot; I cleaned up a tiny bit but I never fully escaped and nowadays I&#039;m too lazy to lose weight or do anything with my life. I still occasionally do weird things and its become a part of my &quot;personality&quot; I simply cannot imitate a normal human being for the life of me. I think that my constant childhood conflict of trying to be &quot;normal&quot; and my mom always telling me I was off and how I gotta do this and blah blah blah has created some kind of scrambled disconnect within me. I remember as a child I knew I was fucked from the jump and I had these peculiar things I&#039;d do in private. I remember I had this one habit where my family would be at my grandmas house for some reason and whenever they&#039;d cook something I liked I&#039;d walk around in circles in the guest room instead of watching TV because I believed it would make time go faster. And I developed a headvoice at a very young age who became a full &quot;character&quot; early into highschool and he&#039;d tell me to do things sometimes that were not the best things to do. He taught me how to use magic though. This is the first time i&#039;ve clearly explained something regarding something about me internally in a long time, I recently took a large amount of zolpdiem and its still fucking with me a bit.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Truckzo, post: 87743, member: 523"] [B]TLDR WARNING!!!!!!!!!!!![/B] This is kinda what makes me think im insane, I dunno that if I do something its truly genuine or a narrative i've made in my head about myself. I remember as a young lad I just used to do nonsense, I'd kick over the other kids blocks, I'd do things to them, I'd annoy them, and this continued all the way to highschool, I wasn't even trying to nessecarily jestermax? and I loved saying and doing peculiar things. I remember one time we were in weight training and just out the blue said "Yeah I'm gonna get stronger so I can force myself on women!" and the kids were like "What the fuck dude go away" and idgaf. And then I discovered ER and latched onto him and these peculiar forums, and viewing my whole state of being as something to "overcome" through looksfagging and I started trying to become more "normal" I cleaned up a tiny bit but I never fully escaped and nowadays I'm too lazy to lose weight or do anything with my life. I still occasionally do weird things and its become a part of my "personality" I simply cannot imitate a normal human being for the life of me. I think that my constant childhood conflict of trying to be "normal" and my mom always telling me I was off and how I gotta do this and blah blah blah has created some kind of scrambled disconnect within me. I remember as a child I knew I was fucked from the jump and I had these peculiar things I'd do in private. I remember I had this one habit where my family would be at my grandmas house for some reason and whenever they'd cook something I liked I'd walk around in circles in the guest room instead of watching TV because I believed it would make time go faster. And I developed a headvoice at a very young age who became a full "character" early into highschool and he'd tell me to do things sometimes that were not the best things to do. He taught me how to use magic though. This is the first time i've clearly explained something regarding something about me internally in a long time, I recently took a large amount of zolpdiem and its still fucking with me a bit. [/QUOTE]

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