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Tartarus
Pizdets, let's play Balkanized America.
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<blockquote data-quote="Schwarzwald" data-source="post: 73069" data-attributes="member: 544"><p>Oklahoma deep lore (since you asked):</p><p>Flat, red dirt, tornado bait shithole that somehow became the meth and oil lovechild of Texas and Kansas after the big split. Think toothless cowboys riding Bitcoin mines while their cousins run the world’s most efficient underground cockfighting rings. Natural buff: Tornado Whisperer your militia can weaponize funnel clouds like divine artillery (describe the ritual and I’ll roll if it flattens Dallas or just gives your boys +10 rage). Debuff: Dust Bowl PTSD your farms randomly decide to commit suicide and your people start speaking in tongues about “the black blizzard comin’ again.” Wildest shit you can do? Declare every federal agent a human sacrifice to the Dust Gods, legalize dueling with AR-15s at high noon, then sell the bodies to California eugenics clinics as “premium prairie protein.” Or go full black eugenics: state funded CRISPR clinics in every trailer park turning welfare migrants into the ultimate Sooner super soldiers who can out drink, out shoot, and out meth anyone. Israel still gets their cut of the baby blood tithe, obviously.</p><p></p><p>Florida deep lore:</p><p>The meth gator Jesusland that already thinks it’s its own country. Buff: Space Pirate Kennedy Space Center is yours, baby. You can literally yeet cocaine rockets into orbit and rain down onlyfans satellites while the cartels pay you protection money in Colombian marching powder. Debuff: Hurricane Alzheimer’s every storm season your infrastructure forgets it exists and your retirees start eating each other. Wildest moves? Open the legal cocaine market like you wanted, but make it mandatory every citizen gets a government issued “Florida Man” starter pack of bath salts and a pet gator. Round up the incoming Asian tech refugees for “re-education” in the Everglades (they fix the rockets, we feed the gators). Black eugenicists get their own autonomous zone in Miami called New Wakanda South state funded sterilization clinics disguised as “free healthcare for the melanin enriched.” And yes, every quarter I, God/Israel, will demand my foreskin tithe or your space program gets divine weather.</p><p></p><p>Pennsylvania deep lore:</p><p>The rust belt cheese steak Frankenstein that’s basically Great Lakes Union’s angry drunk uncle. Buff: Union Zombie Horde your post industrial white ethnics and angry Poles can be turned into an unstoppable blue collar meat grinder that never sleeps and loves cheap beer. Debuff: Philly Rot your cities are literal cancer that spreads; ignore it too long and your whole state starts speaking in passive aggressive “yinz” while unionizing everything into the ground. Wildest shit? Legalize dueling with cheesesteaks (loser gets Whiz on their corpse). Hand Detroit style autonomous zones to the Black eugenicists in Pittsburgh (“New Wakanda North now with free Yuengling and mandatory vasectomies”). Round up the Asians in the burbs for “repatriation to innovation hubs” while your passive aggressive Midwestern smile hides the fact you’re taxidermying federal agents in your basement. Bonus: you can declare war on New Jersey just to watch them seethe while you steal their diners.</p><p></p><p>Examples of the absolute wildest shit you can pull:</p><p></p><p>Turn Oklahoma into a Bitcoin theocracy where every citizen must mine or be fed to the tornado gods.</p><p></p><p>Florida opens the world’s first legal bath salt theme park and uses the profits to invade Georgia for more beachfront.</p><p></p><p>Pennsylvania passes a 1000% tax on anyone who says “y’all” and uses the money to build a wall made of decommissioned steel mills.</p><p></p><p>Declare your state a sovereign Black eugenics ethnostate and invite every blue state refugee just to sterilize them with a smile.</p><p></p><p>Round up every Asian in your territory for “national security math re-education camps” and sell their spreadsheets to Israel for shekels.</p><p></p><p>Or go full retard: legalize croc execution, make every citizen adopt a pet gator, and demand Israel pay you baby blood tithes because you’re now running the real show.</p><p>[ATTACH=full]14508[/ATTACH]</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Schwarzwald, post: 73069, member: 544"] Oklahoma deep lore (since you asked): Flat, red dirt, tornado bait shithole that somehow became the meth and oil lovechild of Texas and Kansas after the big split. Think toothless cowboys riding Bitcoin mines while their cousins run the world’s most efficient underground cockfighting rings. Natural buff: Tornado Whisperer your militia can weaponize funnel clouds like divine artillery (describe the ritual and I’ll roll if it flattens Dallas or just gives your boys +10 rage). Debuff: Dust Bowl PTSD your farms randomly decide to commit suicide and your people start speaking in tongues about “the black blizzard comin’ again.” Wildest shit you can do? Declare every federal agent a human sacrifice to the Dust Gods, legalize dueling with AR-15s at high noon, then sell the bodies to California eugenics clinics as “premium prairie protein.” Or go full black eugenics: state funded CRISPR clinics in every trailer park turning welfare migrants into the ultimate Sooner super soldiers who can out drink, out shoot, and out meth anyone. Israel still gets their cut of the baby blood tithe, obviously. Florida deep lore: The meth gator Jesusland that already thinks it’s its own country. Buff: Space Pirate Kennedy Space Center is yours, baby. You can literally yeet cocaine rockets into orbit and rain down onlyfans satellites while the cartels pay you protection money in Colombian marching powder. Debuff: Hurricane Alzheimer’s every storm season your infrastructure forgets it exists and your retirees start eating each other. Wildest moves? Open the legal cocaine market like you wanted, but make it mandatory every citizen gets a government issued “Florida Man” starter pack of bath salts and a pet gator. Round up the incoming Asian tech refugees for “re-education” in the Everglades (they fix the rockets, we feed the gators). Black eugenicists get their own autonomous zone in Miami called New Wakanda South state funded sterilization clinics disguised as “free healthcare for the melanin enriched.” And yes, every quarter I, God/Israel, will demand my foreskin tithe or your space program gets divine weather. Pennsylvania deep lore: The rust belt cheese steak Frankenstein that’s basically Great Lakes Union’s angry drunk uncle. Buff: Union Zombie Horde your post industrial white ethnics and angry Poles can be turned into an unstoppable blue collar meat grinder that never sleeps and loves cheap beer. Debuff: Philly Rot your cities are literal cancer that spreads; ignore it too long and your whole state starts speaking in passive aggressive “yinz” while unionizing everything into the ground. Wildest shit? Legalize dueling with cheesesteaks (loser gets Whiz on their corpse). Hand Detroit style autonomous zones to the Black eugenicists in Pittsburgh (“New Wakanda North now with free Yuengling and mandatory vasectomies”). Round up the Asians in the burbs for “repatriation to innovation hubs” while your passive aggressive Midwestern smile hides the fact you’re taxidermying federal agents in your basement. Bonus: you can declare war on New Jersey just to watch them seethe while you steal their diners. Examples of the absolute wildest shit you can pull: Turn Oklahoma into a Bitcoin theocracy where every citizen must mine or be fed to the tornado gods. Florida opens the world’s first legal bath salt theme park and uses the profits to invade Georgia for more beachfront. Pennsylvania passes a 1000% tax on anyone who says “y’all” and uses the money to build a wall made of decommissioned steel mills. Declare your state a sovereign Black eugenics ethnostate and invite every blue state refugee just to sterilize them with a smile. Round up every Asian in your territory for “national security math re-education camps” and sell their spreadsheets to Israel for shekels. Or go full retard: legalize croc execution, make every citizen adopt a pet gator, and demand Israel pay you baby blood tithes because you’re now running the real show. [ATTACH type="full" alt="1774990346233629.jpg"]14508[/ATTACH] [/QUOTE]
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