The loneliness is consuming me

[Myst]

I'm so lonely man, yeah I get lots of iois but that means nothing when you're a shut-in abused dog with no friends and social skills and hobbies and interests and discipline and will to live. I envy NT moggers, I dream everyday about what it's like to have grown up a normal, healthy child. I'm wasting my life away, slowly rotting away in the dark with nothing but regret, self-loathing, mental masturbation, self-destruction, severe depression and derealization. I see nothing, hear nothing, want nothing, feel nothing and yet, at the same time, see everything, hear everything, want everything and feel everything. I'm so, so tired of life.

does it ever get better?

 

[Myst]

I sometimes wish the earth would swallow me up, I'm drowning, drowning in this pool of agony and despair.

 

[Myst]

I want someone to hold me and tell me they love me but tbh I wouldn't believe them no matter what, and even if I do, deep down inside I don't think I would. I think I'm truly unloveable, maybe I'm my worst enemy, maybe I've been self-sabotaging myself this whole time without knowing it. I don't know, I just don't know.

 

[Myst]

Idrc care about “NT moggers” cause ngl the normie world is boring af to me and always chance when you’re nt you will end up in a couple of dramas in your life. You life could be full of stress

I just wanna feel normal and loved.

 

[Myst]

I feel like I'm everything wrong with this world, I've achieved nothing good or meaningful in my life, if I were to die in this very moment, I'd have absolutely nothing but regret. when does it get better? when does it get better? when does it get better? when does it get better?

 

[Myst]

It may not mean much to you but your loved by me (no diddy it’s all mutual) and you are normal. Your life is similar to that of my current circumstances but Ive been alone for so long my mind has adapted to it very well and finds the beauty in it. It wasn’t my fault for any of this to happen to me and it was just what happened


Also who knows i may possibly be moving away this year to a bigger city who knows yet but fingers crossed

Happy you find beauty in your suffering (if you're suffering from the loneliness, which I hope you're not) but I can't take it anymore, I've always been alone and lonely since the day I was born. I appreciate your kind words a lot man, but I just can't fully accept it as being the truth, it's like my brain is hardwired to reject any signs of love and affection. And at the same time, I only crave and desire love and affection and the feeling of being enough. Sure, I know I'm enough and loved, but that doesn't really mean anything unless I believe it, which it feels like it's impossible to.

 

[Myst]

Truthfully only gets better when you push hard and work hard or an opportunity comes your way. That’s how it is from my living

I can't push myself tho, as badly as I want to. I'm stuck in this death loop of failure.

 

[Myst]

 

[Myst]

I need to cry on someones shoulder right now but I have no one, not even myself.

 

[Myst]

I can't believe this is my life, I'm breaking down at 12:46 am in my room alone like a beaten-down dog, everything's gone wrong. Gut me and rip my insides out please, I can't take this anymore, i can't.

 

[Deleted member 258]

Things don't have to stay this way. It's never too late to make changes, whatever those changes need to be.

 

[Myst]

Things don't have to stay this way. It's never too late to make changes, whatever those changes need to be.

I can't travel to the past.

 

[Deleted member 258]

I can't travel to the past.

Which is a blessing. Our pasts define us; we shouldn't hold the desire to change them.

 

[Archibald]

I can't travel to the past.

By saying that as a response to what Krisis said, you are implying that it is too late to make any changes to your situation. If that is true, you are royally screwed and all you can do about it is endure for the rest of your life or tap out.

However, I think you still have things you can do (or start doing) right now that can sway your path toward a- umm… Gooder thing in the near future. (it’s a little hard to decide what words to use in a post like this, especially because it’s targeted toward someone who doesn’t feel his best)

 

[Deleted member 258]

By saying that as a response to what Krisis said, you are implying that it is too late to make any changes to your situation. If that is true, you are royally screwed and all you can do about it is endure for the rest of your life or tap out.

However, I think you still have things you can do (or start doing) right now that can sway your path toward a- umm… Gooder thing in the near future. (it’s a little hard to decide what words to use in a post like this, especially because it’s targeted toward someone who doesn’t feel his best)

Exactly. Changing your past is an imaginary concept. Therefore, one shouldn't lend any energy towards it. Place everything into changing who you are in the current moment.

 

[Deleted member 258]

Unfortunately humans only care about the past cause it’s something they can use against you

Yes, I understand that very well. I still am plagued by visions of the past, and I recognize one cannot truly release themselves of its hold, but that's why I am preaching to embrace it. Acceptance is everything. It's difficult, but it isn't impossible. The first step is self-awareness.

 

[Myst]

By saying that as a response to what Krisis said, you are implying that it is too late to make any changes to your situation. If that is true, you are royally screwed and all you can do about it is endure for the rest of your life or tap out.

However, I think you still have things you can do (or start doing) right now that can sway your path toward a- umm… Gooder thing in the near future. (it’s a little hard to decide what words to use in a post like this, especially because it’s targeted toward someone who doesn’t feel his best)

You can be honest, no need to tiptoe around me.

 

[Myst]

Yes, I understand that very well. I still am plagued by visions of the past, and I recognize one cannot truly release themselves of its hold, but that's why I am preaching to embrace it. Acceptance is everything. It's difficult, but it isn't impossible. The first step is self-awareness.

I've tried loving myself, but I just can't

 

[Deleted member 258]

I've tried loving myself, but I just can't

Wouldn't be worth much if it were easy.

 

[Myst]

Wouldn't be worth much if it were easy.

Not difficult, just genuinely impossible.