Discussion Ever get bullied as a child, and then as an adult go too far in the other direction?

[EzraIsShy76028]

TL;DR At the bottom.

Basically being a pushover as a kid, then being a little bit too assertive as an adult? Basically going from a wimp to an asshole? More or less what happened to me.

I always struggled with several mental illnesses, which the other kids quite quickly picked up on and made my life hell. All throughout elementary, middle, and high school. And grown-ups also didn't treat me too well as they found me "difficult to work with" and shit like that. And all that time I didn't do or say anything back. Not even a simple "right back at ya" after someone insulted me.

However, around age 18 (12th grade, last year of high school for me)...coincidentally or not when my mental health hit its absolutely lowest point and I was also quite literally going insane (bipolar psychotic manic state, schizophrenia, schizoaffective, etc, no joke, all diagnosed officially) I basically did a complete 180 in the other direction. I was mean. I was aggressive. I was violent. I was making death threats. I was destroying property. I almost went to jail (went to mental hospital instead due to my history of mental illnesses). And this applied to both people my own age and older people. I no longer listened to even my parents or my teachers.

At the time this seemed like a good thing, though in the long run I saw that it wasn't. I basically lost literally every single person in my life with the exception of my parents, including all my closest lifelong friends, and also including all my other family members besides my parents. They were scared and wanted nothing to do with me ever again. And I had to go back to the mental hospital several times, and I almost had to stay there permanently. And it wasn't a fun place to be at. I was one of the worst people there but it still wasn't pleasant to be others like myself, because I myself was insufferable.

Now I like to think I more or less balanced it. Though sometimes I tend to sort of slide towards pushover mode or violent psychotic mode, though thankfully not all the way.

TL;DR Basically I went from a wimp as a child to an asshole as an adult, though I like to think I've balanced things out now. Not letting people walk all over me but at the same time not picking fights (both verbal and physical) for no reason.

 

[Tabula Rasa]

Yeah I was bullied as a kid, but it never really went so far as to induce a mental break. Or maybe it's just me having a more docile temperament, but I isolated and withdrew instead of lashing out. I think there might be some similar users to you here or on other forums who have had the same experience though.

 

[Snow]

Sadly, that sort of experience is one that I have all too well known; back when I was in middle school, there were these particular people who would just mess with me all because I was perceived to be weak and different from them. It changed my view of the world dramatically; I used to think it was this lovely place where good people got their rewards while bad people were punished. I realize that my view on life was not accurate and was shaped by the blue-pill society that I was in. Now I believe that it doesn't matter if you are good or bad; as long as certain events happen at some particular time, then your life will either be great or suck to the point of wanting death.

There have been times when I just wanted to let my frustrations out on the world and make them feel what I felt for all of these years, but I know that it's not something that would cause any change; in fact, it might cause more problems in the future. I'm just tired of people; I'm tired of good-looking men and women who just get to live the lives I have to work so hard for, only to get a fraction of it. I hate how my "destiny" in society is to be a beta bux husband for a wife that doesn't give a shit about me, and I just have to deal with it.

Once I become older, I plan on going to the gym, gaining some strength, and trying to looksmax to see if I can at least find some sort of girl in my 20s; if I don't find any girl or if things just don't go well, then by my 30s i will probably save my money, move to some remote area and live in peace. It would be a true escape from it all.

I wish you luck on this journey, OP, Just know that I believe in you :)

-Snow.

 

[EzraIsShy76028]

Yeah I was bullied as a kid, but it never really went so far as to induce a mental break. Or maybe it's just me having a more docile temperament, but I isolated and withdrew instead of lashing out. I think there might be some similar users to you here or on other forums who have had the same experience though.

TL;DR At the bottom.

Glad to see I'm not alone, I suppose. Obviously not glad you were bullied, lol, but just glad I'm not alone in my experiences. My temperament has definitely never been docile in the slightest.

On the outside I seemed shy and submissive since I would never fight back (verbally or physically), but on the inside I wanted to beat the shit out of anyone who messed with me. I just didn't do it because I was scared of the consequences. As an adult I stopped caring about those consequences though, and people stopped seeing me as shy and submissive. Lol.

But yeah, isolating and withdrawing also makes perfect sense. I myself have done that as well. With my Bipolar, usually when I was on the depressive end I would isolate and withdraw, but when I was on the manic psychotic end I would become angry and violent.

And yeah. Compared to the total world population my experiences are pretty uncommon, but on the internet it's not too difficult to find others with similar problems. Obviously no one is gonna have a 1:1 ratio of all my problems, but just people who can relate to me in general.

TL;DR Yeah, different people have different reactions. With my Bipolar when depressed I would withdraw, and when manic psychotic I would get angry over everything. And yeah, on the internet it's never too difficult to find people with similar experiences.

 

[EzraIsShy76028]

Sadly, that sort of experience is one that I have all too well known; back when I was in middle school, there were these particular people who would just mess with me all because I was perceived to be weak and different from them. It changed my view of the world dramatically; I used to think it was this lovely place where good people got their rewards while bad people were punished. I realize that my view on life was not accurate and was shaped by the blue-pill society that I was in. Now I believe that it doesn't matter if you are good or bad; as long as certain events happen at some particular time, then your life will either be great or suck to the point of wanting death.

There have been times when I just wanted to let my frustrations out on the world and make them feel what I felt for all of these years, but I know that it's not something that would cause any change; in fact, it might cause more problems in the future. I'm just tired of people; I'm tired of good-looking men and women who just get to live the lives I have to work so hard for, only to get a fraction of it. I hate how my "destiny" in society is to be a beta bux husband for a wife that doesn't give a shit about me, and I just have to deal with it.

Once I become older, I plan on going to the gym, gaining some strength, and trying to looksmax to see if I can at least find some sort of girl in my 20s; if I don't find any girl or if things just don't go well, then by my 30s i will probably save my money, move to some remote area and live in peace. It would be a true escape from it all.

I wish you luck on this journey, OP, Just know that I believe in you :)

-Snow.

Ah yeah. Glad to know others like you share my experience! As soon as I entered Kindergarten at age 6, literally on the very first day of school I learned that people are pieces of shit as early on as Kindergarten. I basically lost my child-like innocence that same day. I also had that sort of thing happen in middle school too. Middle school was somewhat strange since the bullying was more physical rather than verbal like in elementary and high school. And yeah. The universe doesn't really care if you're a good person or a bad person, as long as you're able to play your cards right and acheive success. Did you know that a good majority of famous celebrities, actors, music artists, politicians, etc are all literal psychopaths/sociopaths according to many psychiatrists and psychologists? They often climb through the ranks by manipulating everyone in their path without the victims noticing it. And while they usually act nice in public when behind closed doors they treat everyone around them like shit.

And yeah...letting my frustrations out didn't really help either. On one hand the things/the people I lost by lashing out weren't things/people that mattered in the long run. But at the same time I at least had the option to access those things/people. Now I don't. And yup, it sucks to see all those successful people. And yeah..."destiny" can be rough.

Those things you described sound like pretty good goals towards self-improvement. I don't really care about finding a girl honestly. Romance sounds amazing in my head as a fantasy, but in reality...ehhh...not worth it, lol.

Thank you, haha. Right back at ya! We're both in this together!