- Joined
- Mar 2, 2024
- Messages
- 279
- Thread Author
- #1
I know it'll pass but it's making me see the importance of independence
Something like injecting T is more about the autonomous decision to do it, rather than the enzyme itself. Experiencing the same T boosts in captivity(school, abusive homes) might be worse
The very fact that I'm not in my own appartment now, that I'm someone else's "space" brings back childhood fear, where I lived in constant neurosis over my fathers rage. Normal kid stuff would make him berate me until I cried. I used to hide in the cupboard in fear sometimes
Then another day, he'd decide to be nice, usually to look good to his friends. But it was all manipulation I was too young to understand. He would just bring up the day he let me be a normal kid for once, the next time he decided to berate me for misspelling my last name
This is a big part of why I'm so close to my mom. We both survived a psychopath together. This is why I ironically did something as humiliating as sex work, at least I had control in my humiliating myself for once. This is why I hate "family life" and never want a family of my own. It's more space where I'll lose control. I never want to feel that powerless again
Something like injecting T is more about the autonomous decision to do it, rather than the enzyme itself. Experiencing the same T boosts in captivity(school, abusive homes) might be worse
The very fact that I'm not in my own appartment now, that I'm someone else's "space" brings back childhood fear, where I lived in constant neurosis over my fathers rage. Normal kid stuff would make him berate me until I cried. I used to hide in the cupboard in fear sometimes
Then another day, he'd decide to be nice, usually to look good to his friends. But it was all manipulation I was too young to understand. He would just bring up the day he let me be a normal kid for once, the next time he decided to berate me for misspelling my last name
This is a big part of why I'm so close to my mom. We both survived a psychopath together. This is why I ironically did something as humiliating as sex work, at least I had control in my humiliating myself for once. This is why I hate "family life" and never want a family of my own. It's more space where I'll lose control. I never want to feel that powerless again
