yo
@Selevan do you tend to repress your emotions?
I really think that the price to pay for being giga-stoic/neutral/whatever is to allow yourself to be burned by whatever you don't want to feel. My "jestermaxxing" was a compensatory mechanism for not being able to face what I was feeling in the moment.
I highly recommend meditating with music of your liking as it makes repressed emotions come up faster.
Trust me, deep down we humans don't want to change. Most of my psychological breakthroughs always tend to happen just after heavy meditation sessions. The funny thing is that it seems as if I'm always unconsciously avoiding meditation, and I think it is normal since sometimes very uncomfortable emotions or thoughts appear in your mind.