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From what I gathered, I see a big talking point of whitepill is to maximize enjoyment in life. This can be a through many outlets, but mainly by activities. But my issue comes from not having any activity that instinctively interests me. There is always some underlying motive behind it. Be it social networking, impressing someone or improving one's standing on the dating market. Where by further analysis, everything always converges to the latter one.
I hardly can see any long-term meaningful fulfillment in indulging to any of these activities. My biology will always dictate my actions towards reproduction, be it disguised in these copes. By knowing the blackpill those will have negligible effect on that goal.
This has further lowered my motivation and interest in anything I do. Yet, I still go to the gym, take random walks, play online chess, and read random stuff on the internet. But these given activities never fulfill me, and I believe they ultimately can't.
I'm also a student(math), which I only picked as my parents have a strong mathematical background, masters and PhD. And one of my only friend is really interested in this topic. I was hoping to start at the same place as him, but sadly he didn't score high enough on the entrance exams and went to a different uni. Which left me here, where I currently reside.
Sadly I despise this field, as I see it nothing as a meaningless cope. I only study enough to pass exams, thus my grades are not great. I lack the motivation and believe I will never see anything beautiful in it, what for example my friend and other students "might" see.
Given my lack of enjoyment in these activities you might concur I'm depressed and need help, but weirdly enough this isn't the case. My baseline dopamine is mediocre and I don't feel sad. But I don't feel fulfilled. That is the core problem of my life currently, and I have no idea on how to overcome this.
Maybe I'm simplistic. Maybe I'm too narrowly focused on this biological framework. I'm not sure.
Have you guys found stuff that truly interests you? Does it really make life fulfilling? Or are we just intellectualizing our suffering, reframing it into yet a another hierarchy to conquer.
I hardly can see any long-term meaningful fulfillment in indulging to any of these activities. My biology will always dictate my actions towards reproduction, be it disguised in these copes. By knowing the blackpill those will have negligible effect on that goal.
This has further lowered my motivation and interest in anything I do. Yet, I still go to the gym, take random walks, play online chess, and read random stuff on the internet. But these given activities never fulfill me, and I believe they ultimately can't.
I'm also a student(math), which I only picked as my parents have a strong mathematical background, masters and PhD. And one of my only friend is really interested in this topic. I was hoping to start at the same place as him, but sadly he didn't score high enough on the entrance exams and went to a different uni. Which left me here, where I currently reside.
Sadly I despise this field, as I see it nothing as a meaningless cope. I only study enough to pass exams, thus my grades are not great. I lack the motivation and believe I will never see anything beautiful in it, what for example my friend and other students "might" see.
Given my lack of enjoyment in these activities you might concur I'm depressed and need help, but weirdly enough this isn't the case. My baseline dopamine is mediocre and I don't feel sad. But I don't feel fulfilled. That is the core problem of my life currently, and I have no idea on how to overcome this.
Maybe I'm simplistic. Maybe I'm too narrowly focused on this biological framework. I'm not sure.
Have you guys found stuff that truly interests you? Does it really make life fulfilling? Or are we just intellectualizing our suffering, reframing it into yet a another hierarchy to conquer.