Kal's guide to confidence and remaining chill

[Kal]

This guide will focus on your confidence, and "aura" if you want to call it that.

In my experience, the number one most important aspect when dating is confidence.
Nervous anxiety is a huge vulnerability: It is both a red flag that you possibly may be hiding something, and it makes you seem like a joke to not be taken seriously as a partner. Girls can sense too much nervous anxiety from miles away when you are trying to flirt or ask for a date, because it can be a sign of danger for them. They are on the look out for it. Trained for it even.

But if you have no experience, how can you have any confidence and avoid anxiety & nervousness?
This method has helped turn my relationship life around. I wanted to share it and hopefully someone can get use out of it.

You need a training ground for confidence.
One exists, but few realize it, and it's not commonly used for that purpose at all.

Go to a strip club.
This is your training ground. You are not there to spend money, or find a girl, or fill any emotional void in your life (all terrible ideas)
You are there to train.
Remain totally chill, calm, collected, and friendly at all times is your objective and goal for the training. Do not expect to date anyone there, ever. That is not why you are here. Do not even consider it.

Get dressed up nice. (Nice shirt, tie. Not biz, but kinda sultry and cool looking.)
This includes not stinking. Be hygienic FFS.
Strictly limit how much you spend, but look the part of someone that could spend lots. A moderate amount is fine so you are not a waste of any dancer's time.
Most clubs will have girls approach you and make some small talk about drinks or asking if you want a lap dance.
Make light conversation with the half nude girls.
How the day has been, are they busy today, the music that played, anything crazy happen today? Complement choices they made or things they did (makeup, hair, previous dance or song choice, clothes; not body!)
Make steady eye contact and casually smile like you have zero to lose, because that is exactly the case! You are in a training zone!
Once you can talk casually with strippers, even during a lap dance, you can talk casually and coolly with any girl.

Why a strip club as a training ground for confidence?
Half naked girls are intimidating. But, it's a strip club. They of course will be decently pleasant with you as a business. So there is zero risk of any harsh rejection, and you are not doing anything they would reject as a customer - because you are not there trying to date anyone, and your goal is to be calm and pleasant.
It's the perfect training ground.

Once you learn cool confidence, you will attract girls. If they flirt with you, and you do not get immediately flustered and lose composure, they will flirt harder.
You are now a challenge.

Why they would flirt you with you would be in a later guide. But do not sell yourself short. Everyone has value.

 

[autistic_tendencies]

Too much work. just learn hypnosis train your subconscious mind to be confident

 

[Kal]

Actually valid point.
Even casual half ass self hypnosis can give a positive effect.

But the problem is it's not just confidence in this case. It's confidence *and* being used to being around and interacting with attractive women. Sexual drive has a way of overriding upper brain logic and wisdom if you aren't used to it. And while interacting with others can be practiced solo, it can only go part of the way.

 

[bell]

I went to a few strip clubs in Malaysia. Very eye-opening stuff. Never felt nervous or anything, though. It all felt a bit alien to me. I'd look at a slim tattooed Asian girl wearing a pink merkin, poledancing and flashing her tits, and the only thought which would ring in my mind would be "why am I not getting hard?"

 

[Kal]

As far as the value of strip clubs as a means of emotional support, companionship, economic value, or even just having an erotic experience, they are very bad. They are fine as a way to have a unusual memorable evening occasionally for the hell of it.

Anybody using them and spending a notable amount of money as an emotional bandage is making a terrible decision.

In no way am I suggesting going to a strip club for the standard reasons.

Using them as a means of practicing social interaction in situations of sexual attraction, they are great.
Training ground only in my book.

mind would be "why am I not getting hard?"

Because they are fake and there is no possibility of a relationship either of you would give a damn about.

 

[Rikoel]

Good advice. Got my confidence by other means, sadly my small-talk is just horrendous.