- Thread Author
- #1
Not that I am suicidal myself, I’m not. I just found the suicide note interesting and thought others might want to read it.
"I was born with a definite pervasive melancholy…
My brain always worked at cross-purposes to my real development. I refused to express any emotions or deal with people on a social basis. In effect, I refused to accept that I was an animal and that I needed social ties…
What frustrated me most in the last year was that I had built no ties to family or friends. There was nothing of lasting worth and value. I led a detached existence and I was a parody of a person — literally and figuratively. I didn't tell jokes — I was a joke. I am a bomb of frustration and should never marry or have children. It is safest to defuse the bomb harmlessly now. I do not want to bother with being a ‘reformed’ and ‘cured’ person limping through life. I am this self-centered.
I have wanted to do this for over a year. I am not sad or see this as tragic. I feel a release. This is the only way I know to attain harmony. I was a withdrawn baby who became an unpleasant, withdrawn person. I have convinced myself and others that I am not capable of being an asset to society. I am no longer interested in the world and know that it is not interested in me. When you stop growing you are dead. I stopped growing long ago."
“I feel I have acted very methodically and coolly in my actions and my words. It is best if I cease to live, quietly, than risk that later I will break and shatter by violence or linger years under care. I never did develop into a real person and I cannot tolerate the false and empty existence I have created.”
"I was born with a definite pervasive melancholy…
My brain always worked at cross-purposes to my real development. I refused to express any emotions or deal with people on a social basis. In effect, I refused to accept that I was an animal and that I needed social ties…
What frustrated me most in the last year was that I had built no ties to family or friends. There was nothing of lasting worth and value. I led a detached existence and I was a parody of a person — literally and figuratively. I didn't tell jokes — I was a joke. I am a bomb of frustration and should never marry or have children. It is safest to defuse the bomb harmlessly now. I do not want to bother with being a ‘reformed’ and ‘cured’ person limping through life. I am this self-centered.
I have wanted to do this for over a year. I am not sad or see this as tragic. I feel a release. This is the only way I know to attain harmony. I was a withdrawn baby who became an unpleasant, withdrawn person. I have convinced myself and others that I am not capable of being an asset to society. I am no longer interested in the world and know that it is not interested in me. When you stop growing you are dead. I stopped growing long ago."
“I feel I have acted very methodically and coolly in my actions and my words. It is best if I cease to live, quietly, than risk that later I will break and shatter by violence or linger years under care. I never did develop into a real person and I cannot tolerate the false and empty existence I have created.”
