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- Oct 16, 2024
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- #1
Yo, check this out. Back in 2008, my ex’s best friends were on Wife Swap. Yeah, that trashy reality show where families swap moms and chaos ensues. The episode was Martin/Vallone, and let me tell you, the Vallones were the epitome of hippy-dippy nonsense. Beautiful family, sure—picture-perfect smiles, long hair, and tie-dye everywhere—but chaotic as hell. They were so far up their own asses with their “free love” and “spiritual awakening” bullshit that it was almost comical. Meanwhile, the Martins were this strict, conservative family, so you can imagine the shitshow when they swapped wives.
I used to hang out with the Vallones almost every month. We’d visit their “commune” (or whatever they called their messy-ass house), and it was always a trip. One time, they had this massive Marmaduke dog that jumped on me, tore my shirt, and drew blood. I was like, “Dude, control your beast!” But they just laughed it off, saying it was “just trying to get high.” Yeah, right. More like it was a poorly trained mutt that needed a leash and a reality check.
I was in Germany with my fiancée when my ex told me they were on the show. Finally watched the episode today, and it was exactly what I expected. The Vallones were portrayed as these enlightened beings, floating around in their flowy clothes, talking about “energy” and “vibes.” But in reality, they were just messy and disorganized. Kids running wild, no rules, just “let the universe guide you” nonsense. The Martins, on the other hand, were all about structure and discipline, so when the Vallone mom tried to bring her “peace and love” crap into their house, it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Pure entertainment, though—I’ll give them that.
Looking back, that whole scene was a phase for me. I was into the hippy stuff for a while, more than today the “let’s all hold hands and sing Kumbaya” vibe. Thought I was enlightened or some shit. But after a while, I realized it was mostly used as an excuse to make terrible decisions. People pretending to be deep while living in filth and chaos. I mean, who wants to live like that? Not me, that’s for sure. That episode in my life was a turning point—it made me see how ridiculous that lifestyle was. I started distancing myself from it, and now I’m more pragmatic.
I used to hang out with the Vallones almost every month. We’d visit their “commune” (or whatever they called their messy-ass house), and it was always a trip. One time, they had this massive Marmaduke dog that jumped on me, tore my shirt, and drew blood. I was like, “Dude, control your beast!” But they just laughed it off, saying it was “just trying to get high.” Yeah, right. More like it was a poorly trained mutt that needed a leash and a reality check.
I was in Germany with my fiancée when my ex told me they were on the show. Finally watched the episode today, and it was exactly what I expected. The Vallones were portrayed as these enlightened beings, floating around in their flowy clothes, talking about “energy” and “vibes.” But in reality, they were just messy and disorganized. Kids running wild, no rules, just “let the universe guide you” nonsense. The Martins, on the other hand, were all about structure and discipline, so when the Vallone mom tried to bring her “peace and love” crap into their house, it was like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Pure entertainment, though—I’ll give them that.
Looking back, that whole scene was a phase for me. I was into the hippy stuff for a while, more than today the “let’s all hold hands and sing Kumbaya” vibe. Thought I was enlightened or some shit. But after a while, I realized it was mostly used as an excuse to make terrible decisions. People pretending to be deep while living in filth and chaos. I mean, who wants to live like that? Not me, that’s for sure. That episode in my life was a turning point—it made me see how ridiculous that lifestyle was. I started distancing myself from it, and now I’m more pragmatic.
