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I made a thread before about how I was too sensitive for the environment I grew up in which I'm not gonna re-hash now
I also made a thread about the realization that highly empathetic people often develop due to needing to develop hyper alertness to the mood of their caregaver as a survival mechanism due to their caregaver being emotionally volatile
If we say it's part due to genetics, and part due to developed hyper awareness of other people's emotions as a survival mechanism, then it's partly innate and partly learned.
In my school years I tried to keep my head down because I knew my physical shortcomings and knew my place
When I finally started getting some testosterone release and a growth spurt I started piping up a bit more but not in a way that stepped on anyone's toes or tried to push others beneath me
I went mentalcel between the ages of 19-23 due to failure to cope with my inability to find my place socially despite ascending physically
While I did suffer permanent consequences from the decisions I made during this time, I do still regret going mentalcel at some people and trying to put them in their place as revenge for all of the shit I suffered up to that point
I was attacking what these normies represented whenever they tried to social mog me and since I took it as a personal attack against me I lashed out with personal attacks against them which coming from a PSLer is an evisceration they will not receive anywhere else
While this may be regarded as me being a morally subpar geezer, upon reflection I think that the fact I managed to even stay on the rails given the complete mismatch between my mental form, physical form and my environment means I should be a lot less hard on myself and actually commend myself for coming out the other side of it with my sanity intact and no major life fuckups
Put any normie in my shoes and they wouldn't be able to handle that level of metal pressure
Coming out the other side of it and shedding that temporary need I had to "get even" with people, just makes me place more value not being a source of suffering for others
While many people may seem non harmful on the surface, if you delve into their lives you'll see many emotionally abusing their partners or causing untold amounts of suffering to their children or family members who depend on them just because they have some leverage over them
The fact that I'm willing to accept the competitive edge that is lost in the dating and relatioship game by being a genuine guy who's non abusive, means I can at least proceed throughout my life with a feeling of purity and staying true to myself, not causing distress and harm to others just because it's the most effective tactic to win socially
If I genuinely didn't want anything from anyone else, there would be no reason to harm anyone while trying to enforce my will upon them
I started lashing out when I began caring too much about receiving validation from others (slays from foids)
Not being the source of suffering for anyone else (since most of my pleasure now comes not from the pursuit of pleasure but the absence of suffering) may allow me to maintain inner peace
Most normies will shock someone to death if give instruction from a perceived authority figure or begin treating prisoners inhumanely if given free reign over them
While some may say I could've done the same in those situations I am confident I wouldn't
I am a being who seeks purity
I also made a thread about the realization that highly empathetic people often develop due to needing to develop hyper alertness to the mood of their caregaver as a survival mechanism due to their caregaver being emotionally volatile
If we say it's part due to genetics, and part due to developed hyper awareness of other people's emotions as a survival mechanism, then it's partly innate and partly learned.
In my school years I tried to keep my head down because I knew my physical shortcomings and knew my place
When I finally started getting some testosterone release and a growth spurt I started piping up a bit more but not in a way that stepped on anyone's toes or tried to push others beneath me
I went mentalcel between the ages of 19-23 due to failure to cope with my inability to find my place socially despite ascending physically
While I did suffer permanent consequences from the decisions I made during this time, I do still regret going mentalcel at some people and trying to put them in their place as revenge for all of the shit I suffered up to that point
I was attacking what these normies represented whenever they tried to social mog me and since I took it as a personal attack against me I lashed out with personal attacks against them which coming from a PSLer is an evisceration they will not receive anywhere else
While this may be regarded as me being a morally subpar geezer, upon reflection I think that the fact I managed to even stay on the rails given the complete mismatch between my mental form, physical form and my environment means I should be a lot less hard on myself and actually commend myself for coming out the other side of it with my sanity intact and no major life fuckups
Put any normie in my shoes and they wouldn't be able to handle that level of metal pressure
Coming out the other side of it and shedding that temporary need I had to "get even" with people, just makes me place more value not being a source of suffering for others
While many people may seem non harmful on the surface, if you delve into their lives you'll see many emotionally abusing their partners or causing untold amounts of suffering to their children or family members who depend on them just because they have some leverage over them
The fact that I'm willing to accept the competitive edge that is lost in the dating and relatioship game by being a genuine guy who's non abusive, means I can at least proceed throughout my life with a feeling of purity and staying true to myself, not causing distress and harm to others just because it's the most effective tactic to win socially
If I genuinely didn't want anything from anyone else, there would be no reason to harm anyone while trying to enforce my will upon them
I started lashing out when I began caring too much about receiving validation from others (slays from foids)
Not being the source of suffering for anyone else (since most of my pleasure now comes not from the pursuit of pleasure but the absence of suffering) may allow me to maintain inner peace
Most normies will shock someone to death if give instruction from a perceived authority figure or begin treating prisoners inhumanely if given free reign over them
While some may say I could've done the same in those situations I am confident I wouldn't
I am a being who seeks purity
