It’s impossible to go back

[cosmicx16]

After hiding away for so long, and spending time warming up to the feeling by living in bugland, I thought I could toughen myself up to function like how I did before the last year, before when I was still under the impression that I was human, that other people perceived me as human. It doesn’t work, nothing changes, as soon as I take a single step out of that door, as soon as I can perceive others and how they differ from me in every single way, how thousands upon thousands of processes are taking my disgusting existence in as stimuli, it gets too much, I could barely manage to walk on a sidewalk without keeping my eyes looking at the other side of the road and my hand raised to my face as if to scratch it, to at least obscure my features
There is no statement or change in reality that could fix this, I will be mentally raped by the probability that a single human being might have caught a glimpse of my face at any instant in time, and I will stay raped forever. It’s over, I don’t know how I will live, how I will deal with my faggot parents once they slowly accept that their son cannot function like a naturally healthy mammalian, my needs are now limited to survival within only the most cruel, artificial haven of a home. Four walls and a window to keep me from all of them.

No, it’s to keep them from seeing me. Fuck

 

[Schwarzwald]

After hiding away for so long, and spending time warming up to the feeling by living in bugland, I thought I could toughen myself up to function like how I did before the last year, before when I was still under the impression that I was human, that other people perceived me as human. It doesn’t work, nothing changes, as soon as I take a single step out of that door, as soon as I can perceive others and how they differ from me in every single way, how thousands upon thousands of processes are taking my disgusting existence in as stimuli, it gets too much, I could barely manage to walk on a sidewalk without keeping my eyes looking at the other side of the road and my hand raised to my face as if to scratch it, to at least obscure my features
There is no statement or change in reality that could fix this, I will be mentally raped by the probability that a single human being might have caught a glimpse of my face at any instant in time, and I will stay raped forever. It’s over, I don’t know how I will live, how I will deal with my faggot parents once they slowly accept that their son cannot function like a naturally healthy mammalian, my needs are now limited to survival within only the most cruel, artificial haven of a home. Four walls and a window to keep me from all of them.

No, it’s to keep them from seeing me. Fuck

I don't mean to sound rude or dense, this isn't a looks issue right your talking about the phycological pain of being seen and judged right? The unknown of it? Or it there more or less? Is this like a no longer human statement? Wanna talk it out?

 

[cosmicx16]

I don't mean to sound rude or dense, this isn't a looks issue right your talking about the phycological pain of being seen and judged right? The unknown of it? Or it there more or less? Is this like a no longer human statement? Wanna talk it out?

Everything is a looks issue. Being born as me was the issue. The issue now is that

 

[Schwarzwald]

Everything is a looks issue. Being born as me was the issue. The issue now is that

No no not fuck it let's talk it out man.

I guenually don't think it can possibly be that bad. I'm serious, we can chat it out over discord if you want, it can't be that bad :(

 

[cosmicx16]

There is no sympathy for abused niggers who have to experience this stage of accepting it as a cemented aspect of life. The ones who dealt with it in the past have either got the balls to escape, or had long ago shed any emotions surrounding their past abuse and can no longer feel sympathy for the newgens who squeal like fags about it just as they had done before. You can’t relate to normies who were supposed to be mindraped but were goodlifers no matter how hard you try. The crumbs of delusion that helped them blindly stumble into a slave position within the winner’s world are all just miles of distance that heighten their distinction to you, a cuck flung by opposite impetus, who was torn down by every crack in your vision to indicate any inconsistency in what meager upwards journey you were trying to prevail within. Fighting yourself, everyone else, everyone like you, and on the other side are those who never even had a self to tear at in the first place. You can cope by saying that makes you superior to them, it’s irrelevant personal preference. This and thats at the bottom of a very deep dark hole

 

[Schwarzwald]

There is no sympathy for abused niggers who have to experience this stage of accepting it as a cemented aspect of life. The ones who dealt with it in the past have either got the balls to escape, or had long ago shed any emotions surrounding their past abuse and can no longer feel sympathy for the newgens who squeal like fags about it just as they had done before. You can’t relate to normies who were supposed to be mindraped but were goodlifers no matter how hard you try. The crumbs of delusion that helped them blindly stumble into a slave position within the winner’s world are all just miles of distance that heighten their distinction to you, a cuck flung by opposite impetus, who was torn down by every crack in your vision to indicate any inconsistency in what meager upwards journey you were trying to prevail within. Fighting yourself, everyone else, everyone like you, and on the other side are those who never even had a self to tear at in the first place. You can cope by saying that makes you superior to them, it’s irrelevant personal preference. This and thats at the bottom of a very deep dark hole

There is no sympathy for abused niggers who have to experience this stage of accepting it as a cemented aspect of life. The ones who dealt with it in the past have either got the balls to escape, or had long ago shed any emotions surrounding their past abuse and can no longer feel sympathy for the newgens who squeal like fags about it just as they had done before. You can’t relate to normies who were supposed to be mindraped but were goodlifers no matter how hard you try. The crumbs of delusion that helped them blindly stumble into a slave position within the winner’s world are all just miles of distance that heighten their distinction to you, a cuck flung by opposite impetus, who was torn down by every crack in your vision to indicate any inconsistency in what meager upwards journey you were trying to prevail within. Fighting yourself, everyone else, everyone like you, and on the other side are those who never even had a self to tear at in the first place. You can cope by saying that makes you superior to them, it’s irrelevant personal preference. This and thats at the bottom of a very deep dark hole

Have you been drinking tonight?

 

[Schwarzwald]

I ask it only in terms because of the juxtaposition of your first post to this 2nd one.