What causes self-destruction

[Xflowi]

There’s no escaping the pull. Even if you change houses, it follows you. So what’s left? Join the military. Load yourself with iron, drugs, and rage. Fuck through the pain. Will yourself out of hell. Face the trauma head-on because nothing else works. If it destroyed you, then fight until only you remain.

You feel trauma so you're gonna risk your life for a government that hates you?

 

[Xflowi]

I struggle with this. At the times I most hate myself I want to further it (for some reason), I used to eat healthy but I just gave up, don't even brush my teeth most days.. recently I gambled most my money that took me hours to wageslave for just for the dopamine... I really gotta sort my shit out man