Spirituality Grimoires & Occult discussion, an overarching discussion.

[rentier]

*Moves glasses to show off on a teenager forum, fail miserably and then run around insulting your offender*

Kabbalah, while an attempt at being a descendent of ancient Hebrew 'Merkavah/Merkabah' is really just a rabbinic/talmudic Judastic take on Gnosticism, for example. Thus, anything that uses Kabbalah as its basis circumstantially will be Gnostic in spirit.

German occultists of a certain era treated Kabbalah as a wrapper for Aryan teachings that Jews carried on and Christians rejected.

Nazis were also notorious for ransacking lodges in occupied Europe and showing off "expositions" of what they uncovered. The only way to jump above your head and get a peak is to read obscure texts in German, which I won't claim I did.

For attempting something of the sort in English, the author would unironically get murdered. How the contract goes. But for every "real nigga" there's 50 clowning personalities.

Most people aren't aware of how old Gnosticism is and how it grew up at the same time that early Christianity did before the institutional takeover of Rome.

Gnostic texts were uncovered when... Way after WW1, if I'm not mistaken? No one at all talked about Gnostics circa 1910, the golden time for mystical literature.

There's a high likelyhood that it is a forgery to begin with, but that aside.

Imagine you are a 16 yo girl, feel like magic and buy your first deck of cards. What you encounter, when reading a book, is Orphics, Plato and Neoplatonics, Hermetic texts (a big one), and, of course, astrology - first and foremost.

You won't see archons (military commanders in Greece, what a strange reference), random attempts to summon primordial dragons and, also, New Testament quotes.

I don't feel like articulating any of my thoughts, because seeing you articute yours is cringe. And that's by design, you are here to make Epstein island guests laugh.

Larping as a Muslim is more honorable and consistent than being a magician nazi goatrance junkie mormon (did I miss anything?)

 

[Schwarzwald]

*Moves glasses to show off on a teenager forum, fail miserably and then run around insulting your offender*


German occultists of a certain era treated Kabbalah as a wrapper for Aryan teachings that Jews carried on and Christians rejected.

Nazis were also notorious for ransacking lodges in occupied Europe and showing off "expositions" of what they uncovered. The only way to jump above your head and get a peak is to read obscure texts in German, which I won't claim I did.

For attempting something of the sort in English, the author would unironically get murdered. How the contract goes. But for every "real nigga" there's 50 clowning personalities.


Gnostic texts were uncovered when... Way after WW1, if I'm not mistaken? No one at all talked about Gnostics circa 1910, the golden time for mystical literature.

There's a high likelyhood that it is a forgery to begin with, but that aside.

Imagine you are a 16 yo girl, feel like magic and buy your first deck of cards. What you encounter, when reading a book, is Orphics, Plato and Neoplatonics, Hermetic texts (a big one), and, of course, astrology - first and foremost.

You won't see archons (military commanders in Greece, what a strange reference), random attempts to summon primordial dragons and, also, New Testament quotes.

I don't feel like articulating any of my thoughts, because seeing you articute yours is cringe. And that's by design, you are here to make Epstein island guests laugh.

Larping as a Muslim is more honorable and consistent than being a magician nazi goatrance junkie mormon (did I miss anything?

@rentier in one line, you use the appearance of depth to avoid producing depth.

You’ve now dropped all these replies in my thread and still haven’t explained, cited, or even referenced a single mechanic from any grimoire I actually posted. Not one Qliphothic inversion from Sitra Achra, not one talismanic hour from Picatrix, not one chaos equation from Carroll. Nothing. You keep performing the appearance of depth while producing none.

Every time the thread circles back to the texts, you do the same three step evasion:

Change the subject (IRGC to identitarians to Freemason jpeg to paper books to Nazis and secret German texts )

Invent a backstory for me instead of responding to what I actually said.

Call it “context” or a “warning” while providing zero context about any book or concept.

That’s not gatekeeping or erudition. It’s avoiding specificity while implying authority.

If you actually know what you’re talking about, pick one grimoire any of them and explain one concept clearly instead of pivoting again. Otherwise this is just posturing.

@Ishmael, your Gnostic roots mapping (Sitra Achra naming the “other side,” Kabbalah as a later interpretive layer, institutional Christianity as mediation) is still the only thing here actually engaging with structure. Respect.

For anyone still here for the actual discussion: engage the texts directly. Compare them, reject them, reinterpret them ,but actually engage them. That’s the difference between signal and noise.

TLDR
The RR (rentier routine):

>Ad hominem dominance attempts

>Vague historical references

>Unverifiable “hidden knowledge” claims

>Topic shifting

>Identity attacks

>Explicit refusal to explain

This basic combination?performance without substance. Absolutely midwit.

 

[rentier]

You’ve now dropped all these replies in my thread and still haven’t explained, cited, or even referenced a single mechanic from any grimoire I actually posted. Not one Qliphothic inversion from Sitra Achra, not one talismanic hour from Picatrix, not one chaos equation from Carroll. Nothing.

It is just telling that these are your starting points, which you aggresively push on clueless public. Draw a pentagram, say Abracadabra and boom! But boom what?

To quote a movie, if your principled led you to this place, of what use were your principles?

There are normal and established paths for anyone jumping into the spiritual literature and occult practices. What you suggest is random, badly tied to your desire not to fail in the eye of the beholder and carries no point whatsoever.

Won an argument, lost the plot.

 

[Schwarzwald]

It is just telling that these are your starting points, which you aggresively push on clueless public. Draw a pentagram, say Abracadabra and boom! But boom what?

To quote a movie, if your principled led you to this place, of what use were your principles?

There are normal and established paths for anyone jumping into the spiritual literature and occult practices. What you suggest is random, badly tied to your desire not to fail in the eye of the beholder and carries no point whatsoever.

Won an argument, lost the plot.

rentier, this is the same pattern again, just cleaner.

You’re now saying there are “normal and established paths,” but you still haven’t named or explained a single one. No texts, no concepts, no structure; just assertions.

If those paths exist, pick one and explain it clearly. Otherwise you’re still avoiding the exact thing I asked for: specificity.

Damn rentier at it again with the hits.

 

[rentier]

If those paths exist, pick one and explain it clearly. Otherwise you’re still avoiding the exact thing I asked for: specificity.

"Just do retarded things online challenge".

Here is one of my old threads on .net, actually

Tarot cards for NEETs

I figured I'll leave some recommendations for the lost souls. One prominent user here has a zodiac wheel as a profile banner, and when there's one user, there's two, three and suddely we have a religious cult and drink Kool Aid. I never read fiction written by females (Harry Potter? bleh!), but...

neets.net

Russian fin-de-siècle literature was written by French rite "fraters" and they left enough legacy to jump into and start from there, with actual real life people to fall back on.

You mentioned Mikail Bulgakov before, probably because he lived in Kiev, but Bulgakov was satirical of all these religious movements and also cancelled in Ukraine for portraying civil war era militias as they were. And perhaps for making remarks about second-rate provincial literature, the 1920s were a bit "specific" in new Soviet republics with decolonisation discourse running hard.

If I were ever to develop a desire to become a ceremonial magician, and transplanted in the US for this purpose, I'd just read Eliphas Levi (translated into English by Waite) and then skim through Waite himself. Now, that's a start - classical and not DMT-fueled.

And if I were in Sweden, I'd go to a Watain concert, find someone less alcoholic looking and impress him with fine manners.

 

[Schwarzwald]

"Just do retarded things online challenge".



Here is one of my old threads on .net, actually

Tarot cards for NEETs

I figured I'll leave some recommendations for the lost souls. One prominent user here has a zodiac wheel as a profile banner, and when there's one user, there's two, three and suddely we have a religious cult and drink Kool Aid. I never read fiction written by females (Harry Potter? bleh!), but...

neets.net

Russian fin-de-siècle literature was written by French rite "fraters" and they left enough legacy to jump into and start from there, with actual real life people to fall back on.



You mentioned Mikail Bulgakov before, probably because he lived in Kiev, but Bulgakov was satirical of all these religious movements and also cancelled in Ukraine for portraying civil war era militias as they were. And perhaps for making remarks about second-rate provincial literature, the 1920s were a bit "specific" in new Soviet republics with decolonisation discourse running hard.



If I were ever to develop a desire to become a ceremonial magician, and transplanted in the US for this purpose, I'd just read Eliphas Levi (translated into English by Waite) and then skim through Waite himself. Now, that's a start - classical and not DMT-fueled.



And if I were in Sweden, I'd go to a Watain concert, find someone less alcoholic looking and impress him with fine manners.

rentier...

Your final post told me more than you intended.

You mentioned Bulgakov specifically that I probably referenced him because of Kiev. You mentioned DMT. You knew details about my reading history that didn't appear anywhere in this thread. You spent time going through my post history across the forum to find ammunition for a conversation you kept telling everyone was beneath you. The man who spent three posts warning me about a Satanist who stalked him into his DMs was quietly doing the same thing from the other direction. At least he was direct about it.

You also linked your neets.net thread as proof of an established path. I read it. The top response is "it's all bullshit anyway." The second is "stopped reading here." One poster observed that demons apparently only bother wealthy Chads, not "sub5 neetcels." Four replies total, most of them laughing (seemingly) at you. That thread was posted in 2023 and went nowhere. That is your credential. That is what you held over me for 80 posts.
Since you were doing research anyway, here are two things you could have verified:

Sitra Achra was not written by an Iranian frater. You stated that as fact. You got the origin wrong. The 218 current is Swedish. Presenting invented details as insider knowledge is the exact move you accused me of.

G.R.S. Mead published Fragments of a Faith Forgotten in 1900. Gnostic scholarship was active throughout the late 19th century. Ishmael knew this when he posted. You didn't know it when you tried to correct him.

The count on Sitra Achra references: I went back. Six. Four of those were after you raised it. You kept the subject alive and then complained I was too serious about it.

The request was simple and it never changed. Pick one grimoire. Explain one concept clearly. You gave me a concert recommendation, a dead thread, and a reading list you couldn't explain. You named Eliphas Levi without citing a single one of his doctrines. You named Waite without explaining his system. You told me to go find someone at a Watain show and impress him with fine manners.

I wrote my posts as politely as I could.
The record includes schizo, hissy fit, broken psyche, idiotic premise, Epstein island guests, and 80 posts of pathologizing someone for sharing book PDFs. That is not the record of a restrained man. It's the record of someone who wanted to win something and couldn't find the lever.

Diogenes brought a plucked chicken to Plato's Academy to show that a technically correct definition can still miss everything that matters.
I don't need a chicken. You've done it yourself.

Congratulations!!!

 

[rentier]

Is this called not losing it?

You are just proving the point: turning from an "above it all" sage to someone who wants to argue in bad faith, pick little details and even twist them as if it will finish your bully. Meanwhile I'm not even bullying you today, but reading the room is a tough skill.

Sitra Achra was not written by an Iranian frater. You stated that as fact. You got the origin wrong. The 218 current is Swedish.

That Frater is an Iranian immigrant in Sweden and a close friend of Jon Nodtveight from Dissection (posted a song in the thread). They went to jail together for murder, but that bit is to be verified.

He wrote the manuscript as a 20-something, for roughly the same type of public, and lo and behold, that was enough to become your Bible.

Sacred PDF book about Black Flame!

G.R.S. Mead published Fragments of a Faith Forgotten in 1900. Gnostic scholarship was active throughout the late 19th century. Ishmael knew this when he posted. You didn't know it when you tried to correct him.

Ishmael stated that Western occultism is stemming from Gnosticism, and therefore early Christianity. I cited pre-Christian sources that are staple in occult lit, which he, it seems, had no clue about.

The bulk of Western occultism was solidified before "miracously uncovered" Gnostic texts came to light. If they agree with doctrines of so-called secret societies, all the more questions about texts being authetnic.

Egyptology is a closely monitored field for example, and any archaeologist on Youtube will tell you that.

You also linked your neets.net thread as proof of an established path. I read it. The top response is "it's all bullshit anyway." The second is "stopped reading here."

No comment tbh.

You implied that I never read a PDF in my life, but it turns out I may have read well more than you.... And I am not the one pestering you to name more books or explain their meanings.

For reasons stated not once and not twice, but you refuse to get it. For a very girly reason at that.

 

[newsincerity]

broI I loved your post but I love your memes and gifs @Schwarzwald

 

[Schwarzwald]

broI I loved your post but I love your memes and gifs @Schwarzwald

 

[rentier]

Tbh the Trump quote that fits you is this


You do realize that I am about the only one engaging here is because there's just no one else?

And yet the outcome is you going on a prolonged self-defense and turning the engagement into ..well, this.

 

[Schwarzwald]

Is this called not losing it?

You are just proving the point: turning from an "above it all" sage to someone who wants to argue in bad faith, pick little details and even twist them as if it will finish your bully. Meanwhile I'm not even bullying you today, but reading the room is a tough skill.


That Frater is an Iranian immigrant in Sweden and a close friend of Jon Nodtveight from Dissection (posted a song in the thread). They went to jail together for murder, but that bit is to be verified.

He wrote the manuscript as a 20-something, for roughly the same type of public, and lo and behold, that was enough to become your Bible.

Sacred PDF book about Black Flame!

Ishmael stated that Western occultism is stemming from Gnosticism, and therefore early Christianity. I cited pre-Christian sources that are staple in occult lit, which he, it seems, had no clue about.

The bulk of Western occultism was solidified before "miracously uncovered" Gnostic texts came to light. If they agree with doctrines of so-called secret societies, all the more questions about texts being authetnic.

Egyptology is a closely monitored field for example, and any archaeologist on Youtube will tell you that.


No comment tbh.

You implied that I never read a PDF in my life, but it turns out I may have read well more than you.... And I am not the one pestering you to name more books or explain their meanings.

For reasons stated not once and not twice, but you refuse to get it. For a very girly reason at that.

You call documenting your claims arguing in bad faith? You call verifiable corrections picking little details. You call the request for one concept from one grimoire pestering. You do all of this in the same post where you write “I’m not even bullying you today”, and apparently don’t notice the word 'today' doing its work there.

On the frater: Your original post said “written by an (ironically) Iranian frater” , the “(ironically)” only makes sense if the Iranian origin was the point. The 218 Current is Swedish. The cultural context is Swedish. You framed this as an incongruity to mock the book and used it to establish that you knew things I didn’t. You were wrong in the way that mattered. Now he’s an Iranian immigrant in Sweden; which is not the same claim, and you know it.

You also added a murder allegation with "but that bit is to be verified" attached. I notice how that works. You make the association, your book was written by a murderer, then protect yourself from the claim with the disclaimer. It’s the same structure as the Epstein island line. Say the damaging thing, hedge just enough, let it stand. Jon Nödtveidt’s conviction is real and documented. You had that information available the entire thread. You deployed it here, now, after being caught on the Iranian frater error, because you needed a reload. That’s not context. That’s a strategic smear with plausible deniability built in.

On Gnosticism: Your claim was no one at all talked about Gnostics circa 1910. That claim was wrong. G.R.S. Mead, 1900. Pistis Sophia available since the 18th century. Church Fathers writing against Gnostic sects in the 2nd century AD. Ishmael knew this. You didn’t. That’s what happened. You’re now arguing that pre Christian sources are the real foundation of Western occultism, which may or may not be defensible, but it is not the argument you made. You made a factual claim about historical availability. You were wrong. The new argument is a substitution, not a correction.

On your credential: You said “no comment.” Fine. But for the record four replies, the top two dismissing it, one noting demons don’t visit NEETs. That’s the established path. No comment seems right.

...You mentioned Bulgakov because of Kiev. You mentioned DMT. You knew details about my reading history across other threads that appeared nowhere in this conversation. You then spent multiple posts warning me about a Satanist who tracked you, harassed you, and wouldn’t leave you alone. The irony doesn’t need to be laboured...

The count on Sitra Achra: six mentions. Four of those were after you raised it. You kept it alive and then complained I was too serious about it.

The request was always the same: pick one grimoire, explain one concept. You gave me a neets.net thread, a concert, a reading list you never explained, and a gendered insult as your final word. That’s the record. All of it.

You said winning an argument means losing the plot. Maybe. But losing the argument and losing the plot is something different.

We’re done.

 

[Schwarzwald]

Tbh the Trump quote that fits you is this


You do realize that I am about the only one engaging here is because there's just no one else?

And yet the outcome is you going on a prolonged self-defense and turning the engagement into ..well, this.

 

[rentier]

The 218 Current is Swedish.

Nope, but either way the word "Scandinavia" was in my first post in this thread.

The thing is, you probably downloaded that PDF a few months ago, because someone somewhere on some board anonymously posted it.

But it is over 20 years old and was circulating as meme lyrics in black metal bands, at the time when Avril Lavige was hot.

I see the context, and I see that you strangely alternate between posting kittens, going to Church and then dropping black metal fan literature. To which circles you do not belong.

Fact check me all you want, but you will fail to drop some another "Scandinavian PDF". And I won't even insist on you doing so, Googling it like crazy to prove you are not a hysterical fraud (the situatuon you largely self-imposed, I never egged you on).

Your claim was no one at all talked about Gnostics circa 1910. That claim was wrong.

Nope, it is correct. Because I read PDFs and you did not.

The word "Nag Hammadi" is a memorable one and that library was uncovered not only after WW1, but after WW2. That's when the literature started flowing in.

 

[Ishmael]

Ishmael stated that Western occultism is stemming from Gnosticism, and therefore early Christianity. I cited pre-Christian sources that are staple in occult lit, which he, it seems, had no clue about.

I wasn't trying to insinuate that Gnosticism as a concept came FROM Christianity, just that it has significant ties. The implication given from what I've said specifically was that there was observable truth in the framework which is why everyone picks up on the same stuff when they make their own flavor. I would wager 99% of new theologies are someone thinking they found some of the truth and rewording it/changing it to sound more unique to their opinions.

So if you're trying to claim that I myself claimed that Gnosticism is completely derived from Christianity; you are false. I wasn't trying to and would never claim it, just that it's the pathway that lead to not only Gnosticism's spread throughout the world (being married to Christianity) but also the modern popularity due to how far it actually reached before it went underground.

Gnostic ideas exist. Christ comes along, many gnostics attach Him to it. Thomas becomes 'Father of Gnosticism'. It spreads alongside Christianity until it gets slowly buried, allowing many occult practices to come up from those seeds. Now that the originals have resurfaced, we see how much influence it really had.

 

[Schwarzwald]

@Ishmael

The Mark 9 open was a good move and I noticed it. Leading with the most ecumenically generous frame in the Gospels rather than a correction "he who is not against you is for you" that's not a soft move, that's a precise one. It sets the whole conversation on different ground. Respect.

On the mediation critique; this is the point that actually cuts. You're not arguing against Christ, you're arguing against the infrastructure that positioned itself between the individual and Christ. The institution installed itself as the load bearing wall. And you're saying the load bearing wall is the prison, not the architecture underneath it. That's not a small claim. Most of the people defending institutional Christianity would call that heretical, as you know. But you're pointing at something Jesus himself kept saying ,go into your room, close the door, pray to your Father in secret. Not to the priest. Not through the sacrament. Your room. Your Father. Direct.

Here's where it gets interesting for me though. You said the institutional version of Christianity is dead light prison code. You used those exact words. That's Sitra Achra's frame applied to institutional religion, and you did it intentionally. So you've agreed with the anti cosmic critique at the institutional level. Where you and the 218 Current diverge isn't the diagnosis of the prison. It's what you think is outside the walls.

Sitra Achra says outside the walls is Unmanifest Chaos, pre personal, pre individual, the dissolution of the self into the Black Flame. Your answer is the Father personal, relational, and the self doesn't dissolve, it aligns. This matters because I've been working through the irreducibility of the individual self , haecceity, the thisness of this specific consciousness and Sitra Achra's endpoint actually contradicts the most basic phenomenological fact: the "why am I this one" question doesn't dissolve just because you decide it should. The firstperson indexical is the ground floor. You can't third person your way out of being you. Dissolution is a cope. Alignment is at least honest about the structure.

Your energy/motivation distinction is the cleanest thing anyone has said in this thread. Not the force, the authorization. Same energy, different orientation. That maps to Mace's virtual mechanics too , he treats ritual as injecting intent into the probability field. What distinguishes that from prayer in his framework is the directionality of will. Magic: I push. Prayer: I receive and align. He doesn't frame it theologically but the functional difference is exactly what you're pointing at.

The Hebrew mapping is genuinely the best technical post in the thread. Klipot as Archons, Gilgul as the reincarnation loop, Olam HaAssiyah as the densest layer of the world and the name Sitra Achra itself coming from inside the Kabbalistic tradition it claims to demolish. That's not a small irony. The 218 Current built an anti cosmic manifesto named after a concept from the system it's opposing. Either they knew and found it fitting, or they didn't know and it's the most telling thing about the whole project.

Your convergence point, that these concepts appear to be mostly true because they keep showing up independently; is worth pressing. Is convergence evidence of truth, or evidence that humans in the same existential situation build the same myths? Or is the more interesting question: why does the specific combination of divine spark + prison cosmos + Archon/Klipa structure + reincarnation loop show up across traditions that had no documented contact? That's not just "humans have religion." That's a very specific cosmological package recurring. Either they're all pointing at the same real structure or they all inherited from the same deep pre historical substrate; or both. What's your read on why the package is so consistent?

One honest pushback on the wilderness standard. I hear the challenge and I don't dismiss it, John in the desert, forty days, wild animals. But Jesus didn't apply that standard uniformly. The centurion got commended for faith from across a room. Zacchaeus got his moment over a dinner. The woman with the alabaster jar didn't go anywhere. You said yourself you don't live up to the standard you're describing. There's something in Zephaniah that sits more honestly with me than the wilderness bar, seek righteousness, seek humility, and then that rare, careful word that follows: *perhaps.* Not a guarantee. Not the arrival of the completed saint. Just the earnest seeking with an open hand about the outcome. That "perhaps" feels more truthful than a minimum threshold that most people in the Gospels themselves never met in the way you're describing. What you're pointing at, I think, is seriousness the willingness to actually mean it rather than wearing the costume jewelry of institutional belonging. If that's what you mean, I'm with you completely.

The observation about magic being more accessible than genuine prayer ,that one landed, and I've been sitting with it. The feedback loop of ritual practice, the sensory grounding of sigil work, the psychological immediacy of it, versus the silence and the waiting and the release of prayer. The push vs. the receive. I think you're right that the accessibility gap is a feature, not a coincidence. It's easier to feel like you're doing something when you're directing force. The harder posture is the open hand.

I came through most of these texts from a particular kind of emptiness I didn't have a name for at the time. Blessed are the poor in spirit — or maybe, blessed are those conscious of their spiritual need — because that's what it actually felt like coming through this material. Not hunger for power, not philosophical tourism. A specific poverty that I was only able to name later. I think that's what separated the reading from the practicing, and probably why I ended up somewhere I didn't expect when I started.

 

[Ishmael]

@Schwarzwald I compiled your questions into these 3 because I found it difficult to reply to the post.

1. The convergence question The evidence that I have seen through my studies points to there being an observable truth to reality outside of the physical; some people are capable of noticing this and they write it down. Traditions are then created based on things that only one or a few people understood.

In my personal opinion, it would appear that God revealed Himself to multiple peoples and only one was so stubborn that they refused to change what was written; only what it meant. Every other nation chose to make themselves gods or wield the power of God in some way for their own benefit, had a great nation through that physical power, and then...

Psalm 82 — "God stands in the congregation; He judges among the gods. How long will you judge unjustly, and show favoritism to the wicked? Selah. Judge the poor and fatherless; justify the afflicted and needy. Deliver the poor and needy; free them from the hand of the wicked. They do not know, nor do they understand. They walk about in darkness; all the foundations of the earth are unstable. I said, 'You are gods, and all of you are children of the Most High. But you will die like men, and fall like one of the princes.' Arise, O God, judge the earth; for You will inherit all nations."

I think that most attempts to reconstruct the information they have left behind results in more assumption and creation than it does of recovery.

To be plain; Simultaneously all, for varying reasons at different points across history.

2. The dissolution problem My self only begins to truly dissolve the more immersed in the Spirit I am and the more Christ shines through me; but I still retain my agency and myself in general. Creation would be pointless if we did not have uniqueness. It is through that you can reach more people, as it represents the physical experience necessary for trust. You aren't just taking a random man's warnings at face value; he's a warrior with battle scars. The path ends in a complete willingness of unity with God but it also requires full understanding of what He wants from you and what 'the point' is. I don't have the best answer for that but the ones I heard from Institutional Christianity were never good enough.

"Why am I this one" in the true Christ framework is solved by being given an overarching purpose of sharing the Good News, but then through individual purpose and guidance to a larger role. It might seem lowly to you, but nothing is lowly in the eyes of God. You should no longer question your placement due to it being aligned correctly, but also your purpose is fulfilled so you no longer have to ask it anyways.

3. The Zephaniah point The circumstances change things a bit. The main truth behind what I was saying is the truthful and genuine willingness to do something like deny temptation in the wilderness. The conviction must be true and full. That is the constant among these people; some examples just had less baggage between themselves and Christ. Your individual instruction is given when you make the decision to call upon His name; and then you must listen. It doesn't matter what your instruction is, or how badly you might not want to do it, you must be willing. The perhaps is also a commentary on the personal feeling. The burden of proof is on the actions of the person and lifted by the comments of the crowd. The man himself cannot claim anything. You will, from your perspective, always be "not quite the best saint" but to others, you could be the model and then more.

And you know what? The wilderness does not have to be literal. You must be willing to battle every single step up the ladder of temptation until Satan himself is tempting you and you still deny him. The transformation through denial (which is a point of and makes up the symbolism of fasting).

I came through most of these texts from a particular kind of emptiness I didn't have a name for at the time. Blessed are the poor in spirit — or maybe, blessed are those conscious of their spiritual need — because that's what it actually felt like coming through this material. Not hunger for power, not philosophical tourism. A specific poverty that I was only able to name later. I think that's what separated the reading from the practicing, and probably why I ended up somewhere I didn't expect when I started.

That's exactly where I started. I just wanted to know the truth; anything else can come afterwards. I had to know. Christ had the answers.