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Depression Why did he leave me

Joined
Feb 10, 2026
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207
Not that I endorse domestic abuse...

Suspicious Monkey GIF by MOODMAN
 
The Whitepill Dr Phil
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312
What does this even mean? Feels like you are not making a point here. "Denying gender". The whole point of this is to attempt to find out if the person has gender dysphoria or not (through therapy), and THEN attempt to treat it OR redirect to another therapist if the problem is something else. There is no denial of gender here, because if they denied gender, then what are they even discussing here? Are we even talking about the same thing?
Denying gender = 'I am a man, but could we make me not be one?' No, you can't. Got a 'Y'? You're a guy.


Okay, let's address this unfortunately high number of suicidal ideation in trans folks.
Suicidal ideation, in research, is a more critical construct for its predictive power for suicidal attempts.

It is also unfortunately the case that research on suicide risk among trans folks is meager as one brief literature review article comments:

Source: Suicide Risk Among Transgender People: A Prevalent Problem in Critical Need of Empirical and Theoretical Research

However, there is still research. One research study shows an interesting finding:

Source: Predictors of Suicidal Ideation in a Statewide Sample of Transgender Individuals

The same study proposes this explanation:


Also, to credit GripMaxxing @GripMaxxing, the study DOES affirm there are higher SI in FtM individuals than MtF:


The statistics is in the paper, by the way. The statistics is presented in a table so I didn't bother copying it here since it would take too much space.

I would get into the discussion and the theoretical perspectives that the literature review article provided but I feel this is getting too lengthy and I am afraid I am putting too much effort for someone that, at least in my opinion, does not show much enthusiasm in actually engaging with this. So instead, I will dump this part because it addresses something you said earlier:


But the brief literature review article says:

This is in the "Correlates of suicide ideation".
Now, "potentially" does some lifting there, I admit, but you can now see why people not being "themselves" is not enough. It's not JUST the confirmation, but also the discrimination and violence they experience as a result of transitioning. The statement above shows that "gender identity acceptance and disclosure" is a potentially protective factor against suicidal ideation, and THAT makes sense.

Edit: forget to add a little tidbit addressing another point you made

I mean yeah I agree that accepting your gender is better. Since there is no accepted reason to explain why people with gender dysphoria want to kill themselves, my proposal is that in seeking to solve their mental health issues, they attempt to change their gender, which cannot be done.

I would honestly be happy to hear if GripMaxxing overcomes all mental health issues and finds true fulfillment through trying to change his hormones and make himself something woman-like. I personally think it's a lower chance of success path, but it's not my life at the end of the day.

Also, to credit GripMaxxing @GripMaxxing, the study DOES affirm there are higher SI in FtM individuals than MtF:
That's what I found too, straight from the oft-quoted 41% study. But both are still really high.
 
Joined
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Denying gender = 'I am a man, but could we make me not be one?' No, you can't. Got a 'Y'? You're a guy.
Your framing is so weird. You seem to put a LOT of emphasis on "make me NOT one". Wouldn't it be more like, "I am being perceived as a man, but I want to be perceived as a woman because I identify as one"?
I mean yeah I agree that accepting your gender is better. Since there is no accepted reason to explain why people with gender dysphoria want to kill themselves, my proposal is that in seeking to solve their mental health issues, they attempt to change their gender, which cannot be done.

Wait, let me just clarify: do you think trans women believe they are cis women? Or, do you think trans women believe they can become cis women with current technology?

Edit: modified a question for clarification
 
Last edited:
The Whitepill Dr Phil
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312
Your framing is so weird. You seem to put a LOT of emphasis on "make me NOT one". Wouldn't it be more like, "I am being perceived as a man, but I want to be perceived as a woman because I identify as one"?
I'm trying not to get into 4-chan level memes about 'identity' here, but I do think that is the disconnect.

I see identifying as something you are not as inherently unhealthy for the psyche. It takes extra effort on the ego to maintain facades like that which are not based in reality. Not just gender stuff. Another example would be a superiority complex: the person identifies as some excellent version of themselves not grounded in reality, and when this persona is challenged it leads to outward and inward hostility.

Wait, let me just clarify: do you think trans women believe they are cis women? Or, do you think trans women believe they can become cis women with current technology?

Edit: modified a question for clarification

Well, the thing you just said to me: "I want to be perceived as a woman because I identify as one," portrays it as the former. At least, that they "identify" as women, which would have to be a 'cis woman' because that's the only existing type of 'woman' out there (0 Y chromosomes.)

I don't think any of them believe they are or can become cis women, and that is a large part of their mental struggles. I think that they attempt to accept the belief that there is no difference, or merely a negligible difference, between a cis woman and trans woman, but that belief cannot take hold because they know it isn't true.
 
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I'm trying not to get into 4-chan level memes about 'identity' here, but I do think that is the disconnect.

I see identifying as something you are not as inherently unhealthy for the psyche. It takes extra effort on the ego to maintain facades like that which are not based in reality. Not just gender stuff. Another example would be a superiority complex: the person identifies as some excellent version of themselves not grounded in reality, and when this persona is challenged it leads to outward and inward hostility.



Well, the thing you just said to me: "I want to be perceived as a woman because I identify as one," portrays it as the former. At least, that they "identify" as women, which would have to be a 'cis woman' because that's the only existing type of 'woman' out there (0 Y chromosomes.)

I don't think any of them believe they are or can become cis women, and that is a large part of their mental struggles. I think that they attempt to accept the belief that there is no difference, or merely a negligible difference, between a cis woman and trans woman, but that belief cannot take hold because they know it isn't true.
I have to ask you, and you will have to humor me here, the cliche question: what is "gender" to you? Do you use it synonymous-ly with "biological sex"?
 
The Whitepill Dr Phil
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I have to ask you, and you will have to humor me here, the cliche question: what is "gender" to you? Do you use it synonymous-ly with "biological sex"?
It's worth defining.

Yes: there is no difference between the two, and any suggestion otherwise strikes me as nonsense. "Gender" was a more socially acceptable way to refer to "sex", because "sex" became associated with intercourse.

The idea that "gender" is something different is a recent invention. It didn't exist until 1955 (the idea of "gender roles") and modern feminism has pushed the idea that a single person can have one sex and a different gender into culture, but like everything western feminism pushes, it is nonsense.
 
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Yes: there is no difference between the two, and any suggestion otherwise strikes me as nonsense.
Since both "gender" and "biological sex" are synonymous to you, would this then be an appropriate definition of "gender" and "biological sex" for you?
Sex is the biological trait of a reproducing organism in producing gametes of one of two different sizes or shapes—male or female gametes.
Source: Sex - Wikipedia

The idea that "gender" is something different is a recent invention. It didn't exist until 1955 (the idea of "gender roles")
Quite honestly, this is irrelevant to me. I do not care if modern understanding of "gender" is not even a century old. I do not judge understanding or frameworks based on their longevity and neither do you. Why? Because this is false:
modern feminism has pushed the idea that a single person can have one sex and a different gender into culture
You are essentially suggesting that this is a modern idea, when it is not. Demonstrably so:
When the pains grew, and her burden pushed its own way into the world, and a girl was born, the mother ordered it to be reared, deceitfully, as a boy, without the father realising. She had all that she needed, and no one but the nurse knew of the fraud. The father made good his vows, and gave it the name of the grandfather: he was Iphis. The mother was delighted with the name, since it was appropriate for either gender, and no one was cheated by it. From that moment, the deception, begun with a sacred lie, went undetected. The child was dressed as a boy, and its features would have been beautiful whether they were given to a girl or a boy.
Source: Metamorphoses Book IX

This is the story of Iphis, a person born a girl but raised as a boy. Iphis, on the day "she" was to marry "her" lover, Iphis was changed into a man by Isis. This, once again, information I didn't know but I now know thanks to you XD
Point is, this is not new. A person presenting as the gender opposite to their sex has existed a long time ago. This stuff has existed in other cultures, not just Greek.
"This idea of 'gender' is a recent invention" is not an argument against it because it's wrong and, to me, it's irrelevant because it does not dictate what makes a certain perspective or framework valid.


Anyway, this is not the direction I want to go. Where I want to focus on is your definition of "gender" or "biological sex" since you consider them the same.
 
The Whitepill Dr Phil
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Since both "gender" and "biological sex" are synonymous to you, would this then be an appropriate definition of "gender" and "biological sex" for you?

Source: Sex - Wikipedia


Quite honestly, this is irrelevant to me. I do not care if modern understanding of "gender" is not even a century old. I do not judge understanding or frameworks based on their longevity and neither do you. Why? Because this is false:

You are essentially suggesting that this is a modern idea, when it is not. Demonstrably so:

Source: Metamorphoses Book IX

This is the story of Iphis, a person born a girl but raised as a boy. Iphis, on the day "she" was to marry "her" lover, Iphis was changed into a man by Isis. This, once again, information I didn't know but I now know thanks to you XD
Point is, this is not new. A person presenting as the gender opposite to their sex has existed a long time ago. This stuff has existed in other cultures, not just Greek.
"This idea of 'gender' is a recent invention" is not an argument against it because it's wrong and, to me, it's irrelevant because it does not dictate what makes a certain perspective or framework valid.
You said I'm wrong but put forth a different idea. I never said there were no stories of someone of one gender/sex pretending to be the other: dressing that way, using those pronouns, etc. We used to call them transexuals or transvestites, but I'm sure terms existed before that as well. The idea that you could actually change your gender by behaving this way is the modern invention.

Anyway, this is not the direction I want to go. Where I want to focus on is your definition of "gender" or "biological sex" since you consider them the same.
Your gamete definition is fine.


This is good on determination. As I said the determination is 'got a y? You're a guy.'
 
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We used to call them transexuals or transvestites, but I'm sure terms existed before that as well. The idea that you could actually change your gender by behaving this way is the modern invention.
You are super close, but I don't think we'd ever see eye to eye on that unless we make the "gender" thing clear.

Gamete and chromosomal sex are both fine indeed.

So to clarify, this is how you define both words?
Man = A person with XY chromosomes
Woman = A person with XX chromosomes
 
The Whitepill Dr Phil
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You are super close, but I don't think we'd ever see eye to eye on that unless we make the "gender" thing clear.

Gamete and chromosomal sex are both fine indeed.

So to clarify, this is how you define both words?
Man = A person with XY chromosomes
Woman = A person with XX chromosomes
Close, but what always comes up in these discussions is the 1/1000 exceptions. Someone born with a genetic defect: X only, XXY, etc. (It's silly to bring those exceptions in, but it always happens.)

In those instances: "Got a y, you're a guy."

XX = female
X = female
XY = male
XXY = male

so on.
 
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Close, but what always comes up in these discussions is the 1/1000 exceptions. Someone born with a genetic defect: X only, XXY, etc. (It's silly to bring those exceptions in, but it always happens.)

In those instances: "Got a y, you're a guy."

XX = female
X = female
XY = male
XXY = male

so on.
No, it's not silly to bring up exceptions. They are important to stress test current understanding of things. That's how science works all the time and that's why we've reached this level of technology and advancement today. You are right to bring up such exceptions.

So I think I understand you. Anybody that got the "Y" is essentially a male.
Why? Does this have to do with the SRY gene present in the Y chromosome that triggers the development of the testes (which then leads to male developmental pathways)?

I think my understanding of your view is that, as long as someone is "geared" towards male development, they are male. It doesn't matter if they actually undergo male developmental pathways. Hence the focus on the Y chromosome due to the SRY gene. Is that correct?

Edit: added a little tidbit about my perspective of your view
 
The Whitepill Dr Phil
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No, it's not silly to bring up exceptions. They are important to stress test current understanding of things. That's how science works all the time and that's why we've reached this level of technology and advancement today. You are right to bring up such exceptions.

So I think I understand you. Anybody that got the "Y" is essentially a male.
Why? Does this have to do with the SRY gene present in the Y chromosome that triggers the development of the testes (which then leads to male developmental pathways)?

I think my understanding of your view is that, as long as someone is "geared" towards male development, they are male. It doesn't matter if they actually undergo male developmental pathways. Hence the focus on the Y chromosome due to the SRY gene. Is that correct?

Edit: added a little tidbit about my perspective of your view
Basically, but I'm not saying anyone with a Y is "essentially" a male. They are male.

And you don't stress test understandings with deformities and rare disorders.

If I say "Humans have 10 fingers." We don't stress test it with incest babies born with 11 and say "actually humans have 10.0000001 fingers and it's a very flexible definition." That's why it's silly to bring in extremely rare exceptions to this conversation. They're brought in not as a stress test, but because people want a different definition and grasp for support.

So, yes: a functional SRY gene triggers male development (ie testes formation). If your SRY is displaced or mutated, it's a deformity.
 
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Basically, but I'm not saying anyone with a Y is "essentially" a male. They are male.
I don't know the difference between saying "they are essentially male" and "they are male". English is not my first language (if it has not been evident this whole time XD). My fault for causing confusion.
If I say "Humans have 10 fingers." We don't stress test it with incest babies born with 11 and say "actually humans have 10.0000001 fingers and it's a very flexible definition." That's why it's silly to bring in extremely rare exceptions to this conversation. They're brought in not as a stress test, but because people want a different definition and grasp for support.
I wasn't sure if I should address this but didn't want to make it seem like I was ignoring you.
If you want to speak factually, "humans have 10 fingers" is false. On the other hand, "humans typically have 10 fingers" is true. However, we are lay people. We don't need to be so scientific and nerdy. "Humans have 10 fingers" is fine in context where exceptions don't matter.

So, yes: a functional SRY gene triggers male development (ie testes formation).
At this point, I am compelled to ask: are you using this definition as a social category or are you using it strictly as a biological definition for "male"? Or is "male" and "man" identical to you and a social category doesn't actually exist in your view?
 
The Whitepill Dr Phil
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I don't know the difference between saying "they are essentially male" and "they are male". English is not my first language (if it has not been evident this whole time XD). My fault for causing confusion.

It was not evident. So you are doing well! Although I may have attributed tone where I should not have, so I'll try not to moving forward.

To explain the "essentially" addendum. Say I handed you a piece of fried food, and you asked me what it was. If I answer, "chicken," you will take a bite of it without question - if you like chicken. If I say "it's essentially chicken," you'd be confused: 'wait, so is it not chicken? Is it lab-grown or something? Is it a different bird?' Adding 'essentially' really only tells the person that it is NOT what they'd normally think of as chicken, because there is some sort of caveat.

I wasn't sure if I should address this but didn't want to make it seem like I was ignoring you.
If you want to speak factually, "humans have 10 fingers" is false. On the other hand, "humans typically have 10 fingers" is true. However, we are lay people. We don't need to be so scientific and nerdy. "Humans have 10 fingers" is fine in context where exceptions don't matter.

But I think scientifically humans have 10 fingers. Perhaps it's easier to understand with legs. We call certain species "bipedal" if they walk on two legs. But if some humans are born without a leg, would a scientist describing humans not refer to humans as a species as being bipedal?

At this point, I am compelled to ask: are you using this definition as a social category or are you using it strictly as a biological definition for "male"? Or is "male" and "man" identical to you and a social category doesn't actually exist in your view?

To me, they are the same. A man can have feminine traits: a man can wear feminine clothing, speak in a feminine way, exhibit feminine behavior, etc., but even while doing that a man is male.
 
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To explain the "essentially" addendum. Say I handed you a piece of fried food, and you asked me what it was. If I answer, "chicken," you will take a bite of it without question - if you like chicken. If I say "it's essentially chicken," you'd be confused: 'wait, so is it not chicken? Is it lab-grown or something? Is it a different bird?' Adding 'essentially' really only tells the person that it is NOT what they'd normally think of as chicken, because there is some sort of caveat.
Ooooh. I think I get it now. So, "it's chicken" is just, well, chicken, whereas "it's essentially chicken" is like saying "Well, it's not exactly chicken but you might as well say it is".
If this is how it is understood, then I get it. Thanks!
Yeh I can see how saying "essentially male" did not represent your view fairly because it implied I was saying there's a caveat. Gotcha!

But I think scientifically humans have 10 fingers. Perhaps it's easier to understand with legs. We call certain species "bipedal" if they walk on two legs. But if some humans are born without a leg, would a scientist describing humans not refer to humans as a species as being bipedal?
Ykw? That does make sense. There are indeed exceptions to humans being "bipedal" but I suppose it would not matter when scientists are saying that. Fair enough.

To me, they are the same. A man can have feminine traits: a man can wear feminine clothing, speak in a feminine way, exhibit feminine behavior, etc., but even while doing that a man is male.
Hmm, but I feel like something is missing here. Or at least I feel like it contradicts my perspective.
Let me be specific: I find "male" to be a descriptor in biological sex, while "man" is more of a "social manifestation" of said "maleness" in the sense that a man embodies all that we associate to the male sex (notice this does not exclude false associations like "blue" being tied to man).

What you say ("they are the same") implies you don't consider the social aspect of "maleness" and/or "manhood" but you just said "feminine" so I imagine you DO acknowledge the social aspect, is that not the case?
 
The Whitepill Dr Phil
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Hmm, but I feel like something is missing here. Or at least I feel like it contradicts my perspective.
Let me be specific: I find "male" to be a descriptor in biological sex, while "man" is more of a "social manifestation" of said "maleness" in the sense that a man embodies all that we associate to the male sex (notice this does not exclude false associations like "blue" being tied to man).

What you say ("they are the same") implies you don't consider the social aspect of "maleness" and/or "manhood" but you just said "feminine" so I imagine you DO acknowledge the social aspect, is that not the case?

"Masculine" would be the word for maleness or manhood. There are men who do not behave in a masculine way, but they are always male.

man / woman = the thing. "That is a man, not a woman."
male / female = the category. "We can tell from looking at this skeleton's bone structure that it is male."
masculine / feminine = behavior. "That man has a feminine demeanor, despite being male."
 
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"Masculine" would be the word for maleness or manhood. There are men who do not behave in a masculine way, but they are always male.

man / woman = the thing. "That is a man, not a woman."
male / female = the category. "We can tell from looking at this skeleton's bone structure that it is male."
masculine / feminine = behavior. "That man has a feminine demeanor, despite being male."
But then, once again, I do not see how your definition of man, which if I recall correctly was any person who possesses a functional SRY gene in their Y chromosome, actually works in practice. I feel like your definition of man is not actually descriptive at all of how society typically uses the word. Not in the Western sphere, not in the Arab world (as an Arab, I can say that much), not in the African sphere, and not in the Asian sphere.

I genuinely need to know why construct your definition of "man" in such a way. What is being achieved? What is being upheld? What service does it provide to us members of society?

Edit: changed "hemisphere" to "sphere"
 
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